It's Lucy in a Nutshell!
by Amayano
Summary: It's once again one of those overused, cliché stories, but there's a twist- IT'S IN A NUTSHELL! Caution : OOCness, randomness, and a lot of Natsu trying to fling himself at Lucy - what's with that?
1. Chapter 1

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 1 – Lucy and Sabertooth

Hey there! This is my first fanfic, so please tell me kindly if there are any mistakes! I noticed that not many parodies were out there, so I decided to create one! NOTE: I RESPECT ALL STORIES so please do not take offense to this if you like the Lucy-Gets-Replaced stories!

**Disclaimer- I do not own Fairy Tail. If I did, there would be crack pairings everywhere.**

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-Lucy Gets Replaced and Goes To Sabertooth Nutshell-

-Normal POV-

First let's set the scene. Lucy's birthday, yeah that would be good. Lucy was sitting alone in the guild, reading a book, while the rest of the guild was partying for the 123,456,789th time. And the reason was Lisanna-returning-back-and-Fairy-Tail-needed-a-rea son-to-party-so-they-just-did-it-randomly-and-for- the-sake-of-Lucy-feeling-TERRIBLE. Suddenly Team Natsu, including Lisanna, came up to her.

"We want you off the team because we think you're too weak, and because Lisanna is my girlfriend, hurp derp," Natsu bluntly spoke. This _reaallllyy _heartbreaking moment nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"And we didn't even consider kicking Natsu off because he's too strong and he destroys everything, so we just wanted you because we need to have you leave for the sake of this story," Gray's sentence brought her hopes back up a bit, but she still was sad like a cliché heartbroken girl.

"IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY! SOB SOB! AND YOU FORGOT!" Lucy yelled and ran away, tears streaming down her face and blowing in the wind, like a REAL heartbroken cliché girl.

"Omaigod I _JUST_ realized how horrible we were! SOB SOB SOB! WHY?!" The pink-haired-good-for-nothing-idiot yelled, and punched the floor. A paid actor went in the scene and yelled, "CUT! HOLD IT!" So for now, the story has been postponed. Let's see behind the scenes.

"Natsu, you forgot your fake tears. You too, rest of Team Natsu, minus Lisanna because she's supposed to be evil and manipulate everybody," The paid actor said. He applied the fake tears, and yelled again ,"OK, YOU CAN START NOW!" Hurray. Back to the story.

"OMAIGOD! I just realized how horrible we were! I don't even know why we should be crying after insulting and acting like a b*tch to Lucy! WHYY?!"

[To Luceyyy]

"Makarov! *Fake SOB SOB*" Lucy ran on the second floor, which she didn't get permission to go on, and burst into the office.

"I wanna leave because blah blah blah this saying is overused,"

Then he erased her sign with SOME magic, and people forgot that you can take off the mark yourself as shown in chapter 281 and who knows what episode, because Yukino took it off herself.

Let's do a time skip because I'm too lazy to type her running out of the guild sobbing. "HEY AUTHOR! STOP NARRATING AND GET ON WITH THE STORY!" Lucy yelled with her first raised.

HEY! I'M THE ONE MAKING YOU ALIVE IN THIS STORY! *cough cough* Anyway, …

[Time Skip to a random road in Magnolia]

Rogue and Sting wanted to visit Magnolia. Don't tell me how or why, that's how fanfics made it. DURR! So magically on a OH-SO-LUCKY coincidence, Lucy bumped into them!

"WATCH OUT! I'M TRYING TO BE A REAL CLICHÉ HEARTBROKEN GIRL WHOSE GOING TO GET COMFORTED BY THE FIRST PERSON SHE BUMPED INTO!" Lucy yelled, sobbing.

Rogue, get's all OOC because we LOOOVE to make Rogue OOC, and says "You are the most beautiful heartbroken cliché girl I've ever seen! BE MY GIRLFRIEND!" He gets on one knee with roses in his hand.

"No thanks, emo boy. I only wanna become stronger because I wanna beat up Natsu later in the story, like SOOOO many fanfics make it."

"Then let me, THE BEAUTIFUL AND ARROGANT STING OF SABERTOOTH, train you because you're a Fairy and I absolutely do NOT hate fairies." Sting dragged her to a random mountain located near Magnolia.

"Run up to the mountain because I like totally want you to feel like your training when you're actually not and I'll be up here eating sandwiches and chicken, getting fat. KAY?!" Sting ordered. By the way, where did Rogue go? Rogue went all OOC once again and went off to go SMOOCHY-SMOOCHY with Yukino for no reason.

"SO TIRING! BUT I DID ETTTT!" Lucy, actually just pretended to because Sting already gained 5 more pounds.

"Yah yah. Too tired to train you so go up to Fairy Tail, use mah laser roar somehow, and yah. I wanna eat more food, so go." Sting shoved more food in his mouth, because he's a Dragon Slayer. DURRRR!

[Time Skip to Fairy Tail]

"LUUUCEEEEYYYY! WE MISSS U! LIKE TOTALLY BECAUSE I'M LIKE, SOBBING!" Natsu cried. "I ACTUALLY RANDOMLY LOVE YOU, NOT LISANNA!"

Lucy was in front of Fairy Tail, confident. She kicked open the doors, only to be greeted with dark auras from the gloominess of Fairy Tail. Natsu was like,

"LUCEH! I LUV U SO MUCHH! PLZ COME BAK TO US SO WE CAN INVITE YOU TO OUR TEAM NOW DAT U SO STRONG!"

"2 BAD MOTHER FU**ERS!-! BWAHAHAHHAHA! WHITE DRAGON'S ROAR! LOL I CAN TOTALLY USE IT NOW" Lucy laughed evilly as she destroyed the building of Fairy Tail, but not the members itself.

"I DITCHING U 4 SABERTOOTH. BAI!" She ran off, jumped on a train that was coincidently going to Sabertooth, and stuck out her middle finger to Natsu who was following her.

[At Sabertooth because train rides are boring….on top of one anyway]

"CAT TEETH*! I WANNA JOIN YOUR GUILDDDD COZ I HAVE TO FOR THE SAKE OF THIS STORY!" Let's say Minerva got all OOC too. Actually, let's try to make the main members of Cat Tee-I mean Saber Tooth all OOC, too.

"KAYYY ! Coz we like totally want strong peoplez and you're one of them so we'll let you in without even having a test or anything to make sure ur strong enuff." Jiemma grabbed the stamp and stamped it on her arm.

Lucy gave the middle finger to him and kicked him. "Back off douche. I feel like becoming a cold, emotionless, and bad ass person because the majority made me all bad ass and stuff so I wanna become one too."

"NOW FOR DA GMG, WHICH SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW BUT WHO CARES LOL." Minerva waved up and down, with a creepy laugh and smile on her face. Like that of an overexcited person who had way too much sugar.

"LUCEH HEARTPHILEEUH, MINURVAH SOMETHING, ROOFUS SOMETHING, BEE YUUCLIFFE, AND ROUGE CHENAY. HUWWAYYY U MADE ET. NOW GO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE. KAY. BAI." Minerva skipped along, laughing and saying how purdy flowers are.

Sting was all like, "LIKE OH EM GEE, I GOT IN AGAIN!" while Rufus was all, "DIS IS AN EPIC MEMORY BECOZ I GOT IN AGAIN, TOO.". Lucy, being the only "normal" one, was like,"I wanna kill them because they broke my heart and I can kick everybody's asses, especially Lisanna because I found out she was actually manipulating Team Natsu, because the authors are SOOOOO nice." Orga, was singing something, and then there's Rogue.

Rogue is just being himself. Anyway, let's hurry this up and time skip all the way to Crocus. "Stupid lazy author! Just go get a life already!" Lucy yelled. B*tch please, I'm the ones controlling you here.

[Time Skip to GMG, because Crocus is just where people get allergies.]

"HURP DERP I DON'T HAVE ANY HAIR AND I'M BALD! THE WINNERS ARE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, FAIRY TAIL AND SABERTOOTH!" The bald judge, whose name I can't remember because he's unimportant, spoke into the microphone.

"GIVE ET UP FOR FAIRY TAIL AND SABERTOOTH!" The members of Fairy Tail and Sabertooth walked in, receiving applauds.

"OH EM GEE LUCEHH! I LUV U!" Natsu flung himself around Lucy. Then Sting was all like,

"OH HELLLLLL NO, BRO! SHE'S MAH LUVER!" He grabbed her and kissed her randomly. After the kiss,

Lucy went all ,"I LAHV U 2, STING! Let me get out my heart background first. DIRECTOR, CUT!"

Lucy went behind to get the props, and carried a green screen. She put it behind her and Sting, and got into position. "KAYYY!"

"I LAHV U 2 STING! *heart heart heart* U CAN GO 2 HELL, MOTHER F***ER!" Lucy gave Natsu yet another middle finger, and made all of Fairy Tail explode, using a hidden bomb she used. Thus, giving her team 1,000,000,000 points because she managed to explode all of Fairy Tail.

But Natsu, as a ghost, was still all like, "OH EM GEE I STILL LAHV U LUCEYYY!".

The. End?

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ASDFGHJKL; My fingers hurt. But yeah, this is it. Hope you liked it. If you don't, _great_ for you. Probably not exactly a nutshell, but oh well. I tried my best *_* If you want me to continue, suggest another idea or something.

*Note – If you didn't get 'Cat Teeth', it's basically Saber Tooth. Saber = Cat, Tooth = Teeth. Thus, giving me an idea of Cat Teeth. I was going to put cavity, but that didn't really fit.

Anyway, please review for the sake of how I did for my first fanfic! If I did horrible, I'll try to fix my mistakes (but if you do criticize, please STATE what I did wrong or else I won't know what I should do to fix it.)

**~Kitsune-Dark-Knight**


	2. Chapter 2

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 2 – Lucy as a Different Person

Uwahh! I'm so happy I actually got at least 2+ reviews! T_T (Actually tears of joy…) Anyway, since there are SOOO many 'cliché's out there, I decided to update again! Please remember if there any mistakes that you note, please note them to me so I'll do my best to fix it! (Yes, there is spelling errors on purpose). I respect all stories and do not mean to offend anybody!

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**Disclaimer- I do not own Fairy Tail or Mirai Nikki! **

-Lucy Comes Back As a Different Person Nutshell-

-Normal POV-

So, last time, there was Lucy killing everybody with a bomb, yes? Let's rewind it. Just pretend that it went back to when we were deciding a scene. This time, it's just a normal day. Lucy was once again, reading her book alone, because everybody was ignoring her.

"Mira, can I please have a strawberry smoothie? I'm rea-"

"It's Mira this, Mira that! We ran out of strawberries!" Mira then went into the kitchen, leaving Lucy speechless. But then Mira came out, with a strawberry smoothie, and walked over to another customer and gave her it.

_The hell was that?! I'll kill you in my mind, you little f**ker! _Lucy thought, imagining gore related things that the author won't tell you because this image is only meant for people who love gore.

"Luceyyy! (A/N. Yes, I'm still going to use this name!) We want to kick you out of the team, because you're so weak and Lisanna is obviously _not_ manipulating us, so yeah. Hurp. Derp. Also, since the author wants to, I'll just punch you," At that moment, he DID punch her! Gasp~!

She went flying into the guild wall, with an aching bruise forming onto her cheek. "You also said that you needed more money, and plus a lot of stories use this excuse too, so I might as well." Erza pointed out.

"FINE! SOB SOB! I'LL TRAIN AND BEAT THE SH*T OUT OF YOU LATER IN THE CHAPTER! YOU'LL SEE!" Lucy, being the cosplayer (A/N *cough* Bixlow… *cough*) she is, she decided to once again reenact the cliché-heartbroken-crying-girl. She went into Makarov's office, sobbing.

"I w-wanna leave this guild! Take my mark away! And also give Levy and Team Natsu these letters that I magically had with me and was written before!" She held out her hand to him. He muttered some _ancient_ words, and the tattoo disappeared. He grabbed the letters, and threw them on his desk lazily, because I want him to be lazy.

-Time Skip to whenever I want it-

Lucy was in a forest, sitting against a tree because she sprained her ankle. How did she get there and how did she sprain her ankle? I don't know, I just want her to be in a forest. She heard a HUMONGOUS roar, and immediately thought, _Such a loud roar…no, it couldn't be! That's impossible! Don't tell me it's ….I don't know because I'll spoil it but the story is half spoiled anyway!_

A huge force hit the tree she was sitting against on, so she turned around and saw a _dragon_. No durr.

"_A HUMAN?! GASP! I DIDN'T KNOW HUMANS WERE HERE WHEN THIS WORLD OBVIOUSLY HAS HUMANS! Want me to train you because I'm not the dragon that likes humans for food?" _It asked. She nodded unconsciously, too frightened to answer.

"Sureeee because I need to train and beat the h*ll out of Natsu later with an axe like Yuno Gasai does to anybody who tries to kill Yukiteru." Lucy replied.

"_And becoz we love to steal Gray's and Lyon's magic, I'm gonna make myself an Ice Dragon. Lol. Can dragons even say lol? I just did, so I guess we could. Now, go eat some ice and strip yourself naked because I'm also a pervert and I need you to bathe in some ice and you also need to find the ice yourself. Dat's your first task."_

"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, AUTHOR?!" Lucy yelled as she did everything he said to do, because I'm a lazy author who doesn't want to type boring parts.

"_Yes. Now, go eat more ice and you should be able to perform Ice Dragon Slayer Magic because those ice crystals you ate randomly has magic in it. You have probably seen the Dragon Slayer moves before, so you can just copy them. Don't ask me how, dammit! You need to be independent!" _ He, because the dragon's perverted so the dragon is a boy, roared.

"Kays! There's ice that is somehow in the forest so I'll just eat those." Lucy happily skipped towards an icicle that was hanging off a branch. She somehow ate it, just use your imagination on how, and suddenly felt POWERFULLL~!

"_Now, I'll change ur hair to black people you would look more bad ass and people like Lucy being bad ass, so I'll just change it. Also, you have to act like Rogue. Go get acting lessons or something."_ He touched her hair with his claw and it turned black. See? This is why dragons are MAGICALLLLL!

"B*tch please, I already got acting lessons. I'm a cosplayer, DURR! Cosplaying also comes with acting lessons!" Lucy gave him the middle finger and stuck her tongue out at him.

"LOL Since I feel so powerful, I'll just kill you so I can brag about et to Sting and Rogue. ICEY DRAGON'S ROAR!" She roared at him, and the dragon died. What a weak dragon.

"TO PURDY FAIRIES WHO ACTUALLY DON'T HAVE TAILS!"

-Time Skip to the now gloomy guild-

Lisanna had a frown on her face. _Why the f**king hell aren't they happy? Oh wait, they're supposed to. But I'm supposed to keep my "evil" image up, because NaLu fans hate me and want me to actually kill Lucy. Speak of the devil, she should be coming here as a completely different person in about 7 seconds according to my script here…_

Bam! The guild doors burst open, revealing a mysterious, suspicious-looking, and evil girl…

Or that's what actually happened in the clichés! This is a nutshell so here's what REALLY happened:

BAM! "B*TCHES~! I JUST TRAINED FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, SO I'MMA BEAT YOU UP WITH MY ROAR THAT I LEARNED! ICEY DRAGON'S ROAR!"

The roar blasted the whole guild, with the members under the debris. It really isn't that powerful, but we need to be dramatic for the sake of this.

"Wait, my script flew away! CUT!" Natsu yelled, springing out of the debris. The script was on a oh-so-convenient cliff, on a little branch sticking out.

"MY SCRIPT!" Natsu dove for it, like the stupid idiot he is, and fell down and died. Wait, that wasn't supposed to happen! Who will do his dramatic lines now?!

"Stupid author, this is why you need to improvise. I memorized Natsu's lines!" Erza yelled. Nope, it wasn't Lucy insulting me. Erza lifted her hand towards Lucy dramatically, reaching out for her.

"Why?! You're a stranger, so why?! What have we done to you?!" Erza said, then pretended to die. Remember, she's acting!

"OH YA,,…..FORGOT I HAD BLACK HAIR LOL. I ALSO FORGOT MY ACTIN LESSONS…OH WELL. SINCE I WAS TO FALL IN LUVVV WITH NATSU, I'LL DIE WITH HIM. WAIT FOR MEHHHH NATSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~!" Lucy dived towards the cliff, who died along with Natsu.

"OMFG ASDFGHJKL; WAS DAT LUCY?! Y DID SHE JUST DIE?! WHYYYYYYYY?!" Erza yelled. Everybody began sobbing.

_Meanwhile in heaven…_

"OMFG ASDFGHJKL; I LAHV U NATSU 3"

"OH EM GEEE I LAHV U 2 LUCEY."

_And then the camera guy…_

He sighed, "I don' get paid enough for this job. Why the hell is there a camera guy, anyway?"

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AND SCENE~! Yes, there has to be a camera guy! All for the sake of this story! If there's actors, there has to be a camera guy. I also will update more chapters because there's different clichés! If I made any mistakes other than the on-purpose spelling errors, please note it in a PM or review _.

~**Kitsune-Dark-Knight**


	3. Chapter 3

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 3 – Lucy with Zeref

Hello there again! :3 I decided to update once again :o But I read the reviews and I'm so happy! Anyway I wanted to thank **Red Hot-Blooded Girl **for giving me another idea. So Lucy with Zeref it is! I respect all stories and do not mean to offend anybody.

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**Disclaimer- I do not own Fairy Tail. If I did, Lucy would have a harem.**

-Lucy Trains with Zeref Nutshell-

-Normal POV-

Let's use a new scene because reading a book is boring. Lucy is now sipping her favorite strawberry smoothie in the guild, spacing out. Unexpectedly, (A/N Oh reallly? _) Team Natsu plus Lisanna came up to her.

"I don't like you because I'm evil and NaLu authors love me being evil, so I'll just go with that. Anyway, we wanna kick you off the team because we have SUUUUCH good reasons why." Lisanna said.

"Yea, like how you complain how we destroy everything but then Aquarius goes and destroys everything to." Natsu pointed out.

"Or that you need your rent, but Erza has to pay 100,000 jewels and she still manages, so I don't get how that's an excuse but we'll keep it at that. Hurp. Derp."

"So, *ahem*, cue the lightning please," Lisanna clapped. Then, the background changed to lightning flashing. "So now, IT'S TEAM LISANNA! MWAHAHHAHAHAH~!"

"Why?! WHY?! WHAT KIND OF NAKAMA ARE YOU?!" Lucy slapped Lisanna dramatically, with her head staying still to the side in shock.

Lucy ran up to-yeah yeah, let's skip that. Okay now, Lucy barged into Makarov's office, breaking down like Juvia.

"Take away my guild mark!" She sobbed, holding out her right hand. Makarov sighed, pulled out a knife, and cut off the skin of her right hand.

"WHAT THE F**K?! You're supposed to use some spell, dumb ass! Get your script right!" Lucy yelled, whipping his head with her script.

"Ouch. Sorry, forgot the script. For now, just use some cloth to wrap it." He sighed, shaking his head. Lucy grabbed a cloth somewhere and wrapped it around her hand. Whew, the blood is gone.

"So now, I'm leaving! Goodbye, Makarov! You'll always be family to me!" She cried again, running down the stairs and out the guild doors.

Lucy ran all the way to her apartment (A/N Is it an apartment….? She does have a landlady...), opened the door and slammed it hard. She went to her desk, and started writing on some blank papers, which oh-so-coincidently turned out to be letters for Team Natsu and Fairy Tail.

_Dear Team Natsu,_

_I hate you. You broke my heart. Idk what else to write. Oh, I'll kill you later in this chapter. Just letting you know. Also, I hate you too Lisanna. Still don't know what else to write. Oh well. U'LL PAYYYYY!_

_Sincerely,_

_Lucy of the Nutshell chapter._

She smiled at her completed letter, and nodded, happy that it was a such great letter. She packed her luggage, and went out. The author, aka me, is bored of writing her walking so let's time skip to the big tree island!

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-Lol Time Skips are so fun to do-

Zeref noticed another presence on the island. How does he know this? He's the Black Wizard, durr. He immediately noticed it was Lucy.

_Damn, that was quite fast. Curse you author for doing a time skip._ He thought. He heard a gasp. He groaned, _Not this again!_

"Look blondie, just because I'm the oh so famous Black Wizard, doesn't mean I'm gonna hurt you and sob like in the anime/manga. This is a nutshell. Got it?" He snapped. Lucy came around the tree he was sitting against.

"Kay. I don't like the scared image anyway. I'm so bored, hurry up and train me oh mighty wizard." Lucy started filing her nails. An angry tick mark appeared on his forehead.

"Fine then. First, mastering the Bla-"

"Yeah yeah. Get on with it. Gimme some epic powas or something."

"Since there are no real names to my attacks, just read my wiki and stuff, or create your own death magic move, I don't care. Here take this random Limiter that limits your magic, so people will think you're strong. Now go, I wanna sleep." Zeref yawned, and actually fell asleep. Lucy sweat dropped and put on the Limiter. Yaayy…she's powaful now.

"Hmm….DEATH WAVE THINGY!" Lucy pointed her palms towards an area of trees. They all turned dead instantly.

"HUWWAYYY! Now…should I join Cat Teeth or Pixie Tail? They both suck since obviously I'm powerful as Zeref MWAHAHHAHAHAHA! Eh. Just join Cat Teeth. They should have a part in this nutshell story too. TO CAT TEEETH ~!" She skipped happily to Sabertooth; yes, she skipped on water.

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~To the Sabertooth Guild!~

"WASSSUPPPP! I trained under Zeref *cough* lies *cough* so lemme join and destroy Pixie Tail!" Lucy yelled, obviously whispering the 'lies' part.

"BLONDIE! U SHOULDN'T BE HERE YETT! Y ARE U HEREEE?! OH WELL….GO GET DA STAMP LOL. LET ME GO PICK SOME PURDY FLOWERS!" Minerva skipped in chibi form, flowers circling around her.

"OH EM GEEEE UR SO POWERFUL! I OBEYY U OH MASTER ZEREF'S APPRENTICE! WE R SO HONORED!" Sting started bowing on his knees.

"ASDFGHJKL;QWERTYUIOPZXCVBNM,~!" Rogue, since he was too silent and emo, couldn't form the right words. Oh well, his loss.

"HURRAYYYY! I'LL PUT DA STAMP RIGHT HEREEEEE!" Lucy stamped it on her arm because the arm is the most overused place for tattoos, so why not use it there too? Minerva, still being chibi, came back with freshly picked flowers. She threw them around while laughing like a little girl.

"PURDY FLOWERSSS LOL! U OFFICALLLY STRONGEST PERSON EVAAA SO I SHALL SERVE U FOREVA!" Minerva bowed like Sting did, while throwing flowers once in a while.

"I know I'm so purdy! HEY AUTHOR! Time skip us to the GMG! I don't want to spend time running/walking there. Or taking the train. So time skip it is!" Lucy yelled. I think she hates me, but I'm in control of her, so she can go to hell.

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~Time Skip *sigh* The things I do for Lucy..~

"HURP. DERP. SABERTOOTH ISH 1ST PLACE. HURP. DERP. FAIRY TAIL ISH 2ND. DA REST IS UNIMPORTANT." The judge spoke into the microphone.

"FIRST GAME IS HIDDEN COZ IDK WHAT ELSE EVENTS ARE THERE. ATTACK A CLONE, U LOSE A POINT. HURP. DERP. DAT IS ALL."

Lucy sighed. "I guess I'm gonna go first." Minerva, who decided to be in chibi form for the rest of the chapter, was in a cheerleader outfit, cheering for Lucy and how purdy flowers are.

The town rose, blah blah blah, and tons of clones appeared. Hurray.

"OH HAIIII GRAY! REMEMBER MEH, LUCEY? LOL HEYYY!" Lucy waved like an excited girl as she spotted Gray. He was shocked. This was Lucy, after about 500 words ago!

"LUCEYYYY! I MISSSSS UUUU!" He lunged for her, but then it poofed into smoke!

"PFFFFT! PYSCHE! DAT WAS A CLONE LOL! B*TCH! CAN'T BELIEVE U FELL FOR DAT!" The REAL Lucy was on a building, rolling around laughing.

A sign appeared, saying HURP. DERP. MINUS ONE POINT. PIXIE TAIL. HURP. DERP.

"KAY NOW FOR MY REAL POWAS! DARK-MAGIC-STRIKE-THAT-IS-TOTALLY-MADE-UP!" Lucy stood up and used her dark magic to kill everybody in Hidden, excluding clones.

"40 POINTS FOR LUCEY! SHE KILLED EVERYBODEH, SO GAME OVER. LOL." The judge announced.

Lucy walked back to her team, only to be stopped by Natsu.

"ASDFGHJKL; I LUV U LUCEY!" He glomped her.

"BUT I LUV HER, FIRE LIZARDDD!" Sting stepped in, pulling apart Natsu and Lucy.

"ASDFGHJKL; I LAHV U BOTH 3" Lucy glomped both of them, somehow, and they were all happy with her answer because they love Lucy loving them both.

"AND SCENE!" I yelled. Yes, it is I, the author, and the director! I lazily slumped in my chair as I saw Lucy, Sting, and Natsu stretch.

"We done with this chapter now? I'm feeling a bit hungry, anybody care for some burgers?" Lucy asked. All the other members that were mentioned came out, nodding. And so, they all went out the studio and to some burger place.

"Kitsune-san, shouldn't the actors for the 'corpses' be waking up now?" The camera guy asked me. I waved my hand lazily.

"Naw, those are real corpses. I stabbed them while Lucy was performing her spell. You can take them out though." I put my cheek into my palm, spacing out somewhere, bored.

The camera guy sighed and muttered, "The things I do for this story, the author, and the cast…..".

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Ahhh~, now time for me to stretch. Sitting for so long, typing…..my muscles are achey! Anyway, feel free to post suggestions for any cliché used stories (of course, Lucy has to be in it!) that I haven't mentioned! That would help me, since there are so many I can't keep count….


	4. Chapter 4

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 4 – Lucy Suicides + New Person

FINALLY AN UPDATE! T_T Sorry, was too unmotivated *ahem*. I'm still so happy that some people favorited (that's not a word but oh well) and followed my story! *tears of joy* Without further ado, (I just really wanted to say that...) let's continue the story!

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail. If I did, I'd be too lazy to say what I'd do.**

-Lucy Suicides & Comes Back As New Person Nutshell!-

-Normal POV...but it's always gonna be Normal POV so might as well skip it-

Lucy is sitting in the- yeah yeah, skip that. Okay, so Team Natsu comes up to her _unexpectedly._ Plus, the oh so evil to NaLu fans/shippers whatever you call them, Lisanna is there.

"We gonna kick you off da team. Kay, bye Luceyy." Natsu said, and walked away with the rest of Team Natsu.

"NOOO! U my nakama! Whyy?! I must go kill myself because I'm too heartbroken!" Lucy ran out of the guild and all the way to some random cliff.

"SNIFF SNIFF. I will miss you guild. I have to die!" She jumped off, and she fell all the way to the bottom. But, of course, she survives. Don't ask me how, ask the first author who used this plot.

* * *

-Let's do a time skip because I don't really remember the in betweens of what happened...-

At Fairy Tail, everybody moping. Especially Team Natsu. Gray no longer stripped, Erza no longer ate strawberry cake, but that's good since it'll make her fat in time. Levy no longer read, Natsu no longer...fightst with Gray, and the rest are just sulking for the heck of it.

All of a sudden, the doors slammed open, and a girl with black hair came in.

"What a pathetic guild. Should it even be worth joining?" She spoke coldly. Once again, people like cold, emotionless and bad ass Lucy.

"Sureeee u can join...here's the stamp," Mira gave Lucy the stamp.

But since Lucy is a new person, we need a name. And since every story uses a different name, I'll just use Crystal.

"My name is Crystal, fyi. And I'm a uh...uh...ice dragon slayer." Lucy, or Crystal, randomly just thought up and learned a new magic to hide the fact she's a celestial spirit mage.

"Lol cool dude. U wanna hang out with Team Natsu? We r moping cause we found out Lucey, a member of Team Natsu, had committed suicide. But then we kicked her out, so I dont see da problem." Gray came up next to her.

"Thanx, but no thanx. I don't like Team Natsu." Lucy stuck her tongue out at Gray. He just shrugged and went back to a OTL position.

"LOL GMG HERE! NATSU, CRYSTAL, ERZA, GRAY, AND WENDY!" Makarov came out waving a random piece of paper that says GMG.

"I'M ALL FIRED UP DURP!" You can already tell who that is.

"I'LL BEAT NATSU THIS TIME! DURP HERP!" Gray yelled. And so, they went off to train.

* * *

"Kay. Build up magic power. Let sand spin around you. Dat's it, Luc-Crystal-sama," Capricorn instructed. Lucy nodded. So she made the sand spin around her like a tornado...with some real fans.

"I GOT MOAR MAGIC POWA! HUWWWAYY LOL." She jumped up happily. "Force Closureeeee!"

Meanwhile, Natsu and Gray were just having meaningless competitions, and Erza just does whatever she does.

* * *

-...You already know that this Author, *cough* me, is lazy-

"AND FAIRY TAIL IS LAST. HURP . DERP." The one judge I hate spoke into the microphone. Boo's were heard throughout the whole stadium. "CRYSTAL VS. MINERVA. LET DA BATTLE BEGIN."

Lucy and Minerva stood in the middle of the stadium. "Do u like flowers, Luceyyyy? They so purdy. But Sabertooth gotta win. And I heard faeries r weak. Heat power magic orb thingy!" Minerva blasted some of her magic at Lucy.

"ICEY DRAGON ROAR!" Lucy roared. Chibi Minerva flopped onto her back, of course chibi-style. She got back up, and shot some more of her unknown powerful magic.

"LOKEEE, I OPEN THEEEE!" Lucy swung her key dramatically. Loke appeared, and everybody gasped. Luceyy?!

"HAI, LUCEY! REGULUS PUNCHHHH OF LUV! 3" He punched Minerva, who was distracted because I want her to seem weak.

"10 POINTS FOR FT. HURP DERP."

"R U LUCEY?! LUCEYYYY~! I SO SOWWY!" Natsu flung himself at "Crystal". Everybody else crowded over to Lucy in chibi-form.

"YUPP! I LUCEY, AND I FORGIVE CHU!" She actually hugged him for once. Secretly, she had one hand behind her back that was holding a controller. She pressed the red button on it.

Instantaneously, Sabertooth was still at their seats, staring at two glowing round things at their spot.

"Da fu-" Sting was able to say before everybody exploded. Too bad for them...

* * *

Ahhhh it's so short compared to other chapters! But I couldn't find a way to really put in extra stuff, so... and I kinda forgot the plots of the stories with 'new person and Lucy'. Please forgive me! *Gets down on knees and in bowing position* Well, until next time, ja ne!

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	5. Chapter 5

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 5 – Lucy's The Star Queen

Uwahhh I'm so sorry for the long absence! As a reward, I'll try to make this one a bit longer! That's not really much of a reward, is it? Anyway, I'd like to thank **mcxynth123** for giving me the idea of the star queen cliché! I just totally forgot about that one.

* * *

**Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail, or else I fear that Zeref and Lucy babies will be running around. I also do not own Super Mario Bros.**

-Lucy Finds Out She's The Star Queen Thingy Nutshell!-

Since the author is so sick of using the same scene (of Lucy sitting in guild, being ignored, and then Team Natsu comes up and blah-blah-blah, all that stuff.) over and over again, let's just use the letter scene. Okay, lights, camera, action!

Lucy is drowning in her self-pity because everybody is ignoring her. Even the Master for Mavis's sake! (Mavis isn't really a god though...) All the responses she got was:

"R u called Luigi? From Super Mario Bros?! OH EM GEEE GIMME UR AUTOGRAPH!"

"Moar strawberry smoothies?! DO U KNO HOW MANY STRAWBERRIES UR KILLIN', GURRRL?!"

"OH EM GEE, SHE'S THE NERDY GIRL. BUT I BET SHE KNOS THE TEST ANSWERS!" That one, Lucy told the actor to go to another story because tests doesn't exist in this story or world.

"OH! OH! I kno u! Aren't u da uh...uh...uh...guy who hangs out with Mario all da time?"

Somehow, it amazes her how they thought she was Luigi from Super Mario Bros. Makarov came up to her, holding a letter.

"Lucey, I only like ur looks cause I'm a perverted old man and stuff so yeah but I got dis letter u see, and so yea. Tell me if u want da knife later. Ur gonna need it." He handed her the letter. She opened it and read,

_Lucey,_

_Lol isnt it sooo fun to write in a letter? Like, u can just write on paper and kill trees. And then da person u sending it to can kill moar trees. Isnt dat so fun? But then trees r so fun to hug. Don't u like to hug trees? But anyway, we need u off da team because we don't kno how to add 4+1=5, so we cant have five members. Dat's all._

_Ur very dumb ex-team, Team Natsu._

_Minus Luigi from Super Mario Bros (I still want ur autograph, dude)_

_Plus Leesahnna._

Lucy grew pissed and enraged. _HOW DARE DEY?! HOW DARE DEY KILL TREES! TREES PROVIDE US WITH OXYJEN N LYFE! HOW DARE DEY WASTE PAPER N KILL ANOTHER TREE!_ Lucy mentally yelled.

"MAKAROVVV! I NEED DA KNIFE!" She yelled. A knife was thrown and it went through Lucy's head. Hold on for one moment.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge. Dat's bad." said Natsu's actor. Blood was leaking out of the forehead like a fountain. Literally, leaking out like a fountain.

"Nod nod. I agwee." Lisanna's actor nodded.

"I kno wight! It's so bad to drink out of! Bad for ur health. U shouldn't drink out of da red fountain," Gray's actor shook his head.

"I say we drink it." Erza's actor stared at it.

"I say we make some smoothies out of et," Mirajane's actor took a cup and started to fill it with Lucy's blood.

"But wut bout da storyyy?" Levy's actor whined.

"Just use a double."

And so, they started to make smoothies out of Lucy's actor's blood, and they decided to put in a double instead. The story may now continue.

"Where were we?" Lucy asked.

"I threw da knife at you. Let's retake dat scene." Makarov nodded.

"MAKAROVVV! I NEED DA KNIFE!" She yelled. This time, it landed on the wall near her head.

"THANK U VERY MUCH!" Lucy sobbed and ran out with a knife. I know what you're thinking: She's disobeying her teacher's rule. Tsk tsk. Never run with sharp objects. Her teacher would be very disappointed.

She hid in some random forest and cut her hand off- wait, wrong line *ahem* She hid in some random forest and cut the tattoo off her hand, including the skin. Perhaps a vein or two.

"Uh owh. I got a boo-boo." Lucy pouted. She then used some leaves on the ground to wrap around her hand. Probably very unsanitary.

"_Lucy. Come here,"_ A voice called out to her.

"Come where? Come to da sky, come to da moon, come to da tree on my left, come to da tree on my third left? Be specific!"

"_Come over to where my voice is calling you, you stupid brat!"_

"OKIE DOKIE!" So, Lucy just walked in circles since everywhere in that circle she heard the voice.

"_SIGH! Nevermind. Lucy, you are not weak. You can have a much greater power!"_

"Why would I want powa? I only need powa for the TV, for da computer, for da stove, for da charger for my iPhone5 and soon to be iPhone6, and ya."

_"Those electronics do not exist in this world! You are actually the Star Queen! Your mother, Layla, was the star queen!"_

" Kay, cool story bro."

"_You could have a much greater power! You can overpower Natsu! Minerva! Even Zeref!"_

"B*tch please, I already knew that. Just kick 'em in the family jewels and they go down in a split second," Lucy rolled her eyes and started filing her nails. "Even da great Zeref goes down when his family jewels are kicked,".

"_Oh. Well, you'll be greater than them in power!"_

"B*tch please! All the author has ta do is say I got le power, den I got le powa. Got dat?"

"_Just take the freaking power!"_

"Gosh, don't have to be so bosseh, fake fairy!"

"_How'd you know I had to be a fairy?"_

"Coz I can see your fake wings." Lucy pointed to some crooked cardboard wings sticking out of the fake trees. The actor moved a little.

"_Now they are not visible. Lucy Heartfilia, you are now crowned as the Star Queen!"_

"GASP! I'M DA STAR QUEEEEN! I CAN TOTALLY BEAT UP PPLZ!" Lucy jumped up and down as digital effects of sparkles were around her.

"I guess I should go ta Cat Teeth...I wonder if they weally brush their teeth. Can cats even bwush their teeth? I bet they haz cavities," Lucy pondered as she skipped to 'Cat Teeth'

* * *

-Le Time Skip-

"DA BOSS , LUCEY HEARTFILIA ISH HEREE!" Lucy kicked open the doors.

"OWH. MAI. GOD. DAT'S LUIGI! OH EM GEEE! IT'S LUIGI! FROM SUPER MARIO BROS! GIMMEH UR AUTOGRAPHHH!" Sting ran up to her with a piece of paper and pen.

_BAM!_ She kicked his family jewels. "NUUUUUUUUU! WHY?! IT HURTS SO BADLYYYYYYYYY!" Sting cried out.

"Uh, coz for 1, it's like, uh, supposed to like, hurt. And for 2, it's totally like, a boy's weak spot." Lucy said, putting on makeup and lipstick like a normal teenager.

"GASP! U A GIRL! DAT MEANS, U LYKE PURDY FLOWERS 2!" Minerva is once again in chibi form, bouncing around Lucy.

"OWH MAI GOD, IKR! PURDY FLOWERS R SO PURDDDY!" Lucy turned chibi and started bouncing with Minerva.

"I SHALL FORGET DIS HORRID IMAGE FROM MAI MEMORY. OOPS. TOO MUCH OF FORGET. I GOT AMNESIA. LOL. I DUN KNO MY NAME ANYMORE. DO I EVEN KNO WHAT AMNESIA MEANS? NOT WEALLY!" Rufus now has amnesia, so he got kicked out of Cat Teeth because if he forgot his name, he surely must've forgotten how to brush his teeth.

And somehow, with Minerva and Lucy, they started to skip all the way to Crocus, where people just get allergies from all the pollen in the air from the flowers. Claritin must be famous there.

"Let's join da GEE EM GEE!" Lucy pointed to the tall round thingy at the mountain.

"YUP YUP!" Minerva bounced. So they once again skipped to the GMG. Where's the others you ask? They've been granted special powers to teleport there. I'm the author, durrr.

-GMG-

"I, DA JUDGE, ALWAYS SAY HURP DERP. SO IT SHALL BE DIFFERENT!" The judge coughed.

"FIRST PLACE ISH CAT TEETH, DERP HURP. LAST PLACE ISH PIXIE TALE, DERP HURP. DAT ISH ALL."

The audience are all just paid actors, so they didn't respond because they are just paid actors, and paid actors are just paid actors. Do you get my logic? Of course not, because my logic is just my logic and his logic and her logic are probably just poop. Do you get it now?

"LUCY VS. NATSU."

Lucy put on cool, black shades and started walking out into the battle area like a boss. Natsu, on the other hand, just walked out in chibi form.

"BWAHAHAH! I GOT DA UPPER HAND!" Lucy ran over to him, and since she was in normal form, and Natsu, who's tiny because he's chibi, she squished him with his foot.

"IMMEDIATE WIN FOR CAT TEETH! 1,000 POINTS FOR DAT BRILLIANT IDEA!"

But then, Erza was like, "OH NO U DI-IDN'T!" so she kicked and stomped on Sting's family jewels. Hard. Thus, making him die.

"STINGY-KUN! Y?! Y?! I WAS GUNNA CONFESS 2 U!" Lucy sobbed as she bowed her head over him, crying. "PSYCHE! HAHA! EYEDROPS, B*TCHES! HE CAN DIE FOR ALL I CARE, PFFT! I'M DA KING OF DIS WORLD!" So then, Lucy threw a huge bomb – to which it has no effect on her – and killed all of man-kind. But hey, the world survived! But then the actors are no longer here. Pffft, go get robots!

* * *

Ahhh I had a good time writing this. I was laughing while writing it (LOL My jokes are so funny and corny and heheh...eh...eh...yeah I laugh at my own jokes ._.) Keep reminding me of the 'cliches'! I tend to forget _. I also like Lucy throwing the bombs and killing everybody...just makes it all the more random :P Perhaps I should put something else next time!

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	6. Chapter 6

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 6 – Natsu Cheats On Lucy + Her Leaving

I'M SO SORRY! I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A MONTH! DX Nearly a month anyway, BUT STILL! *sobs* I was getting a little writer's block and I forgot to check my reviews, and got this idea again from **mcxynth123** (Who I thank very much for the ideas), and then I went on vacation. End of story e-e. Anyway, I hate the ending of the new Fairy Tail Chapter! Rogue is one of my favorite characters, yet Ultear is going to kill him! (I apologize for those who read this that haven't read the manga yet.) Anyway, here's the updated chapter!

* * *

**Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail. Who knows what'd happen if it ended up in my hands...**

-Natsu Cheats on Lucy Which Causes Her to Leave Nutshell!-

Normal POV

Bwahaha! Guess what from the lazy author? This time, it's not a guild scene! Okay it is, but not the very start anyway...actually, yeah let's just make it inside the guild! Camera man, cue the...uh...forgot the word but just go along with it, will ya?!

"I should find a better job soon," He muttered. And, action!

Lucy was in a really happy mood. _THE_ Natsu Dragneel, the idiotic, dense-as-a-brick, stupid, pink-haired, a-pain-in-the-ass, a-good-for-nothing, should-be-fat-from-eating-too-much-food, eats-fire-but-somehow-doesn't-get-burned-because-a ll-the-food-made-him-immune, weird, a-more-stupid-version-of-idiocy guy had asked her out a week ago. She hummed happily as she swung her legs back and forth on the bar stool.

"Lucey, you know you and the-pink-haired-idiot-who-always-eats-all-my-food- and-never-stops-and-acts-like-I'm-his-food-bank look good together!" Mira smiled at her.

"Durrrr! I mean like, why wouldn't he? Like omg, he just walked up to me and cutely confessed. Lol." Lucy switched her personality to that of a..uh...let's say a teenage girl who is obsessed with her phone (A/N. I mean no offense to anybody like this!). And would you look at that, she did bring out a phone.

"Dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww w I'm so happeh for you two." Mira's eyes turned into those huge, sparkly, dramatic, and childish anime eyes.

"I kno right. Let meh go visit that idiot right now," Lucy threw her phone somewhere – that secretly had a knife in it and struck an unimportant actor/guild member's heart - and walked out the guild.

"PINK-HAIRED IDIOOOOOOT WHERE ARE YOUUU?! COME OUT B4ST4RD SO I DON'T HAVE TO FIND YOU!" She yelled with a megaphone that came out of nowhere. There was no answer, so she sighed in frustration, took out a gun, and shot a random person. She was fuming, because she didn't want to cut the scene already and move to the next scene! "Camera, CUT! Move to the next scene," She sighed again.

"Must I?" The camera man groaned along with the other actors and stuff. They all then moved their movie or whatever equipment to the next scene. As for me, the director, I just had slaves-*ahem* I mean, some staff members pick up my chair –with me on it- and move me there. Like those Egyptian kings or what not...I think.

"DARRRLLIINNNGG!" Lucy yelled in a sarcastic tone. She looked behind an alley and saw Natsu and Lisanna making out.

"Oh. Wassup? We're just having intimate lip contact because a snake coincidently bit my lip and now she haz to like, suck out the poison, you know? And I like totally didn't think about going to Wendy or a nearby hospital," Natsu explained, shrugging. Lisanna shrugged too, a bored expression on her face. Then, she actually did spit out the poison and drank some water to relieve the taste.

"SOB SOB! B-But, like, y-you should've came to meh!" Lucy broke into tears.

"Wat would be da point of dis story then? DURRRRRR! Anyway, da poison is still inside me, so Lisanna, being a weird vampire, will suck out the poison," Natsu and Lisanna simultaneously nodded and made out again. Well, technically, Lisanna was just sucking out the poison, but let's say it was intimate, shall we?

"PINK-HAIRED-GOOD-FOR-NOTHING-AND-SHOULD-BE-FAT-FR OM-EATING-TOO-MUCH-FIRE-AND-FOOD IDIOT!" She yelled, and threw a random empty beer bottle at him. She ran away crying. When she reached the guild, she once again, grabbed a bazooka and blasted it at the guild. Fortunately, only the front side of the guild got damaged, and there were no injuries. She then threw it somewhere –which hit an innocent person's head hard, causing that person to be put into a coma and have amnesia- and sobbed the whole way to Makarov's office.

He sighed, "What's it now, Lucey? Let me guess, you want to leave the guild and all that crap?" He turned the page of a perverted magazine he was reading.

"L-like seriously, how did you kno?" She still acted like those "teenage girls" while sobbing.

"SIGH! If you must. I'm bored with the knife cutting hand thingy, so let's change it up." He grabbed out a dangerously sharp with spikes on the sides metal sword that most likely came out of Erza's collection. "Let's get this over with."

She nodded weakly and walked over. He then held up the sword high in the air –somehow with his old grandpa strength- and chopped her hand off.

"WHAT THE - !#-825#231 $(! #*%!) #$*! (# !* $) !*$( !( * !($ *!e#)#!(d(! *$!)^#91#($!* )%)!*#$)^ WAS THAT FOR?!" Lucy yelled with _lots_ of 'colorful' language while holding onto her bleeding...wrist...hand?

"Makes it more dramatic. Anyway, the author has given you the power to miraculously restore your hand. But for now, just wrap it with some bacteria-infested bandages I have here," He pulled out a roll of bandages with commercial-looking bacteria on it.

"Fine," She grabbed it and wrapped it around the wrist-ish part, and walked out of the guild. _Now, I should go to...Kitty Teeth! Bwahahha! I changed it to Kitty Teeth! LOL._ She thought. And so, she went to the train station, and literally hopped onto a train heading for Saber- *cough* I mean, Kitty Teeth.

* * *

-Le Time Skip-

"NO! I HAVE THE MOST GIRLS!" Sting yelled.

"NU UH UH UH! GIRLS DIG THE EMOTIONLESS AND COOL-LOOKING GUYS!" Rogue waved his index finger at Sting.

"Bitch please, if memory serves, I know some fan girls that totally love guys with long hair," Rufus pointed his thumb at himself. "Unfortunately, that doesn't work for Orga."

"Oh HELLLLLLLLLL NO! Girls love the abs!" Orga yelled back.

"SHUT UP ORGA! NOBODY LIKES YOU!" Sting threw a beer bottle at him, which caused him to sulk very OOC-like in a corner.

"HMPH! I STILL HAVE THE MOST GIRLS!" Rogue did a victorious pose.

"NO, I DO! EVERYONE DIGS THE HOT, ARROGANT ONE!" Sting jerked his thumb towards himself. "With THIS hot, blonde hair, everyone loves me!"

"PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! THAT MEANS GUYS ARE ATTRACTED TO YOU!" Rogue tried to hold in his laughter, but failing to do so.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! STING X ROGUE FOREVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! OR EVEN STING X NATSUUUUUUU KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Some fangirls screamed.

"See what I mean? PFFFFFT!" Rogue pointed at the fangirls.

"WELL, ALL IN ALL, I STILL HAVE MORE GIRLS THAN AN EMOTIONLESS, EMO GUY!"

"I BET THAT EMOTIONLESS BAD-ASS-LOOKING GUYS HAVE MORE FANS!"

"GIRLS DIG THE LONG HAIR!"

And soon, they were all immersed into a gray dust cloud of fighting (A/N. You know, like how Gray and Natsu do.)

"Like, lol and omg. I sooo gotta go post this on Facebook. Lmfao," They stopped their fighting and saw Lucy taking a picture with her phone. "Bee-kun, Emo-kun, and..." She paused, Rufus's eyes looking at her expectantly for his 'given name', "...fightin' over how much fans they have. Lol." She stated as she posted it on Facebook on her iPhone. Rufus's jaw dropped. _AM I NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO BE MENTIONED?!_ He mentally sobbed. Yes, Rufus, nobody really likes you. I bet people like Wendy better than Rufus.

"HALT! YOU DARE ENTER _THE_ KITTY TEETH?!" Minerva appeared in front of her, pointing her finger at Lucy.

"Bitch please, I can heal my hand like _that_," She snapped her fingers – with her unharmed hand -, took off the bandages, and magically made her hand heal in a second. How? I don't know, why don't you go ask the author. Wait, I am the author. Well, I control her, so yea. 'Nuff said.

"But you don't know _THE_ purdy flower rules! Every girl had to learn the purdy flower rules before entering Kitty Teeth!" Minerva nodded like it actually made sense, and pulled out a shiny, sparkling, purple rose. "THIS ISH AN EXAMPLE OF A PURDY FLOWER!"

"I see, I see." Lucy nodded with her hand on her chin , as if thinking.

"Rule number 1! Always pick purdy flowers, not fugly flowers! Rule number 2! Always preserve purdy flowers! Rule number 3! Name your purdy flowers! Rule number 4! Always give me a purdy flower that fancies me, the Purdy Flower Queen! Those are the basic rules, so follow them!" Minerva shouted. "See, this purdy purple rose here is Grapey because it reminds me of a grape. Got dat?"

"Hold on a sec, btw. I'm like totally updating on my Facebook status. Lol." Lucy held up her phone, typing into the tiny 'keyboard' on the phone.

"Hmph! Fine then! I'll go pick some flowers myself!" Minerva walked away, turned into chibi form, and picked some flowers outside.

"OI! BLONDIEE! WHO DO YOU CHOOSE, ME, OR EMO GUY?!" Sting and Rogue got close in her face, looking at her with expectancy.

"I like totally like Sting better. Sorry Emo-kun, in another chapter, I'll be your girl. Lol, now I should totally update my Facebook status again." Lucy rolled her eyes and started to type on her phone again. Her words echoed in Rogue's mind, which caused him to sulk with Orga in the corner, where Sting was shining in the spotlight in all his glory.

"Hurp. Derp. GMG. Hurp. Derp." Some random guild member held up a piece of paper. Their guild master then snatched it and read it.

"GMG. Luceh Hartfeeliah. Bee Guy. Emo Guy. Minerrvuh. Guy-Sulking-In-Corner. You guys are in the team. Dat is all." He announced and walked away to somewhere over the rainbow.

"Lol, I have to update this on-" Lucy was interrupted by Rufus.

"GOD DAMMIT STOP UPDATING ON FACEBOOK!" He yelled.

"I was gonna say Twitter, but whatevs." She rolled her eyes and started to update on her Twitter account.

"She's right. We have to do win this game!" Rogue stopped sulking and stood up like a boss.

"Uh, you know that doesn't make any sense since she just said that she was going to update on her Twitter?" Sting sweat dropped, but Rogue ignored his comment.

"He's right. We have to go pick some of the purdy flowers at Crocus City, since they have purdy flowers there." Minerva appeared, her fist in the air like she was doing an important pose.

"That also didn't make sense..." Sting sweat dropped again, but she too, ignored his comment.

"Like seriously, we should just go there now." Lucy rolled her eyes and walked out like one of those snobby rich girls. They all nodded and followed her to Crocus City...or was it Crocus Town? Crocus Garden? Who cares, everyone gets allergies there from the pollen anyway.

* * *

-Time Skip. Lol-

"HURP DERP. KITTY TEE-" The annoying bald judge was cut off by a bullet going straight through his heart. Who did this, you ask? It was Lucy, since she was pissed off that they had to take away her phone.

"Shut it baldy, like seriously!" She flipped her hair and walked over to their respective seating. The rest followed her.

"LUCEYYY! I LAHV U SO COME BAK TO MEHHH!" She heard, and saw Natsu glomping her. (A/N. If you don't know what glomp means, it's a "Internet" word where a person runs up, jumps and hugs you tightly. You could also call it a happy form of tackling.)

"HEY! SHE SAID SHE LIKED MEH, SO BACK UP PINK-HAIRED FISH GUY!" Sting pulled Natsu off her, and stood in front of Lucy protectively.

"I'M NOT A FISH GUY! AND IT'S SALMON!" He yelled.

"A SALMON IS A TYPE OF FISH, IDIOT! AND IT'S PINK!" Sting yelled back.

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! RANDOM ELEMENTAL DRAGON'S ROAR!" She pushed Sting out of the way and blasted her roar that she somehow learned in this one second at Natsu. Instant death, unfortunately, but Lisanna's there, so there's no worry.

"OH LUCEY! I KNEW U LAHVED ME!" Sting hugged her.

"ASDFGHJKL; I LAHV U 2!" She leaned in slowly for one of those dramatic kisses, when a poisonous snake came out of nowhere and bit Sting on his lip. He howled in pain and stepped back. Unfortunately for him, it was a King Cobra. No, it's not Cobra as in the one that secretly loves Kinana. It's the real-life King Cobra that somehow made its way into this story, and King Cobras are so deadly it can kill an elephant. True fact. So, Sting died.

"WHYYYYY STING!" Lucy mourned. She then turned around to see Lisanna still mourning over Natsu's death. "YOU'LL PAY FOR DIS, BITCH! ANOTHER ELEMENTAL DRAGON'S ROAR!" She did one of those roars again, but this time at innocent Lisanna for no reason. Again, instant death for her.

Lucy stood up and stretched. "Ah, now time to update my Facebook about Natsu's, Sting's and Lisanna's death. Lol." She then grabbed a random person's phone, logged into her account, and started posting on it.

"AND SCENE!" I, the director, yelled. All the actors stretched and sighed in relief.

"What do we do with the actors' corpses?" Rogue's actor asked me. I shrugged.

"Why don't we make a smoothie like before? We have enough to make one for all of us, including the camera man!" Mira's actor excitedly said.

"What a great idea!" I hit my fist into the palm of my hand. After all the smoothies were made, thanks to a convenient vampire nearby, all the corpses were literally deflated, except probably for their organs. "Hey camera man! Take them out for me, will ya? You can just bury them somewhere in our cemetery like usual!" I called out to him, who was spitting out the blood smoothie. He sighed and grabbed the three corpses of Natsu's actor, Lisanna's actor, and Sting's actor, and walked out the door.

"The things I do for this story," He sighed.

* * *

Ahh...I laughed so hard while writing this story...laughing at my own jokes...heh..eh...*sulks* I actually laugh at my own jokes... *recovers* Anyway, I forgot all about the camera man until **InLoveWithFairyTail** reminded me of him! So, I decided to put him in once again! I hope you enjoyed this story! I'll try to update soon again! *puts on determined face*

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	7. Chapter 7

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 1 – Wendy and Lucy To Sabertooth

A/N. *sniff sniff* I'm so happy! Plus I'm sniffing for allergies... boo :( I probably went to Crocus XD. Nah, I just get really bad allergies ;_; The reason why I'm happy? My new story got a few reviews! *celebrates party by myself and the actors* Eheheh... *nervous laugh* I'm also very sad! WHYYY GRAYY! NEW MANGA UPDATE! WHY?! WHY DID GRAY DIE?! (Spoiler)

* * *

**Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail~!**

**-** Wendy and Lucy Go To Sabertooth Nutshell!-

Normal POV

_THIS_ time, the scene starts from when Lucy trips and falls in a river, drowning and eventually dying. The end.

.

.

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Pffft you know better than that! It's obviously going to start from when Lucy bawls and then trips and falls into the river and dies. Nah, just kidding. She's going to be in the guild, though.

Lucy was searching for a job to do on the job board thingy-ma-jiggy. Everybody except for her few friends that including Wendy, Gajeel, Juvia, Gray, and Master were celebrating for the 987,654,321th time that Lisanna came back from Edolas. How did they party that many times? Easy, they celebrate even when Lisanna is going on a job and experiences tons of should-be-dead situations. When she was in her thoughts, she suddenly heard some gossiping about her from some unimportant guild members.

"Hey, did you hear about the new game that released out in this story?"

"Yeah yeah! I heard that one of the main characters is actually in this guild!"

"Really?! Which one?"

"It's Luigi if you change the 'cy' from Lucy to 'igi', making Luigi!"

"*GASP*! I didn't know that!"

"I know right!"

Lucy sighed as Wendy came up to her. "What's wrong, Lucey-san? I think the only thing that happened is that everyone is practically ignoring you and that they totally hate you but love Luigi and that Natsu ditched you for Lisanna, and don't forget that Team Natsu also kicked you out brutally, so I dun think dat there's anything wrong," Wendy shrugged.

"ORLLY?" Lucy couldn't help but make that sarcastic remark. (A/N. If you don't know what that says, it says "oh really")

"Yup!"

Lucy face palmed. "Don't do that, it's bad for your hand."

Lucy did a face desk. "Don't do that, you'll damage the desk."

Lucy did a face floor. "You'll dirty the floor!"

This time, Lucy just grabbed a brick and hit her head with it. No, she did not get any fatal injuries besides having a bleeding head that squirts out like a fountain that should fatally wound her but doesn't...yet.

I, the director, whispered something to the camera man. "Psssst. Grab another brick and throw it at Lucy's actor. I just don't like how she does Lucy's script. Got that?"

The camera man looked at me with bewilderment. "B-But, Kitsune-san, we don't have-"

"I have a bag of them right here," I held up a bag – somehow – full of bricks inside. He sweat dropped, grabbed one, and threw it at Lucy's actor.

"DAFUQ?!" She yelled before it hit her on the head, making her head squirt out more blood like a fountain.

"Anybody wants a milkshake?" I called out. All the actors nodded, so I grabbed a cup and filled it from the bloody 'fountain', poured some milk in it, and put it in the blender. I threw it at some random actor afterwards. "Camera man, go get the first actor of Lucy and resurrect her. She was a good actor," He sighed, and did as he was told. Since I'm lazy, let's steal some of their magic and timeskip to the real story.

- Fake Time skip-

Let's go back before Lucy face palmed.

Lucy sighed. "Ya, they ignore me so much. I wish like they could do something about it." Apparently, her wish worked.

"OI LUIGI! We like, totally, want you out of the guild for like no apparent reason and because we're such good family that we don't want non-family members in here even though you're in the guild. And coz like we don't want people to crowd Fairy Tail asking for ur autograph." Natsu yelled across the guild.

"HEY! DON'T SPEAK TO MAI BESTY-ISH FRIEND LIKE DAT EVEN THO WE'RE JUST LIKE FRIENDS AND AREN'T VERY CLOSE TO EACH OTHER!" Wendy yelled.

"I DIDN'T SPEAK TO HER! I YELLED TO HER! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE, DURRRR!"

"WELL 2 BAD! DUN YELL 2 HER LIKE DAT THEN!"

"OH BOO HOOOO! ASK GRAY BOUT THIS!" Natsu pointed to Gray, who was actually Gray Surge's actor that accidently went in the wrong story.

"Oh, err, I...I went in the wrong story. Sorry about that..." He nervously said and walked out of the scene, with everybody staring at him strangely. There was a mini awkward silence about that.

"Um,, err okay then. Let's start again. ASK GRAY BOUT THIS!" Natsu pointed to the _real_ Gray, who was actually too busy eating a burger, because which ice mage in their right mind would eat fire? Perhaps Natsu who magically gained Gray's magic.

"Hoh? (Huh?)" Gray turned around, looking at them. "Wa yoo hay? (What'd you say?)" He asked, mouth full of food.

"Swallow it, dumb ass!" Lucy put her hand on top of his head, the other on his jaw, and pushed down/up hard, making him chew and eventually swallow.

"What'd you say?" He asked, no food in his mouth now.

"Pink or salmon haired guy want ta say something to ya," Lucy jerked her thumb towards said person.

"Ahem, Sir Gray, I ask on King Makarov's orders that I, Sir Natsu, is allowed to strictly yell at Lucy like that," Natsu magically had a knight's suit on with a medieval scroll, acting like he was in the time of the medieval.

"Eh, idk. Go ask Wendy. Pfft, let me eat now," Gray shrugged. Wendy sighed.

"THAT'S ET, LUCEY-SAN! WE'RE LEAVIN 4 KITTY TEETH!" Wendy yelled, dragging Lucy's hand to Makarov's office.

"Yea yea, come in. Don't say anything. Just let me read perverted magazines and all that like the pervert I am and go get a life or something." He waved his hand as if saying 'shoo'. They nodded and left the room, getting a knife and cutting off their tattoos. Nobody paid attention to the bloody trail on the floor. Well, except for Mira.

"GASP! WHOEVER LEFT THIS BLOOD DIRTY ON THE FLOOR MUST PAY! BLOOD SMOOTHIES R HARD TO MAKE, U KNOW!" Mira yelled.

Wendy and Lucy made their way to Sabertooth, where everyone was their complete opposites, like Edolas but even more OOC.

Minerva was all like, "OH EM GEE, THESE PURDY FLOWERS R LIKE, TOTALLY, SO CUUUUUUUUTE! I MEAN LIKE, SERIOUSLY! PURDYY FLOWERSSS GIVE ME ALLERGIES THO. MAYBE I SHOULD LIKE SHARE SOME WITH PIXIE TALE. YEA! AND THEN I CAN SHARE MY CHIBI-NESS WITH THEM!"

Sting was like, "I'm so weak and ugly. I look like a bee. I just wanna sulk in da corner,".

Rogue was all like, "BWAHAHHA IM THE KING OF THE WORLD, BITCHES! TAKE THAT, STUPID UNKNOWN RIVAL OF MINE! BWAHAHAHHA! I'M SO EPIC N LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME! I GOT ALL THESE FAN GURLS AT MAI FEET! BWAHAHAHHA!"

Rufus? He's not really important, so I'll do a mini nutshell in this nutshell for him. "I got amnesia. The end."

Orga was like, "Lol I'm like SOOOO skinny and like I suck at singing but I like totally wanna be on dat famous singing show but then my voice is too scratchy and I wanna have big abs and stuff and yeah."

Lucy and Wendy sweat dropped. "LISTEN UP PEEPLZ AND..." Lucy stared at Rufus, "...GERMS. WE GONNA JOIN DIS GUILD. KAY?!" Rufus then sulked with Sting.

"Oh baby, I bet ur another fan girl of mine! Don't worry, you're like the prettiest out of all of dem, so I'm gonna make you my girlfriend! This should be an honor coz I'm like only...THE KING OF THE WORLD, BITCHES! AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" Rogue put an arm around her shoulders and laughed like a mad man.

"OKAY ROGUEY-KUN!" She hugged him so tightly he was unable to breathe for a while.

"*COUGH COUGH* DUN WORRY! THE AMAZING KING SHALL NEVER DIE! FOR AM I THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD'S KING, BWAHAHHAHAHAHAH!"

"I wish I had totally like a boyfriend!" Wendy whined.

"FEAR NO FURTHER! I SHALL BE UR BOYFRIEND!" A boy with short, messy silver hair that's obviously an OC and is around her age popped up.

"Shut up, OC. You're just a spoiler for Kitsune-san's other fanfic that I shall not mention, so go away loser." Wendy stuck her tongue out at him, who sighed and laid in wait for me to eventually write the chapter in my other fanfic that he'll pop up in.

"Halt! This is Sir Natsu, a knight of Fairy Tail! We have come for Lucy and Wendy, for treason that they are traitors of Fairy Tail! Immediate execution at once!" Natsu came in on a black knight.

"OH HELLLLLLLLL NO, BRO. THIS GURL'S MINE. U'LL NEVER HAVE HER COZ UR JUST JEALOUS OF MY AWESOMENESS ON HOW I MANAGED TO GET HER BEFORE U DID." Rogue stepped in front of Lucy, pointing a finger at Natsu.

"How dare you speak that way to me, a knight of Fairy Tail! You shall be put in the stocks!"

"Bitch please, I got this," Erza stepped in, shades on her face. She grabbed out a very dangerous-looking, pointy..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

purdy rose. "OH EM GEEEE! U GOT A PURDY ROSE NAMED CHERRY-CHAN! OH EM GEEEE!" Minerva came in chibi form, spreading her chibi-ness to Erza.

"IKR! AND U HAVE ONE NAMED GRAPEY! I WANNA SEE! LET'S TRADE PURDY FLOWERS LIKE POKEMON CARDS!" Erza bounced up and down with her.

"I CHALLENGE THEE TO A DUEL!" Natsu challenged, sword drawn.

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!" Rogue put on one of those 'challenge accepted' faces.

"HIIIIYAHHH!" Natsu jumped high in the air, sword above his head.

"BITCH PLEASE! SHADOWY BLACKY DRAGONY ROARY!" Rogue roared, immediately blasting and killing Natsu. Gray then appeared.

"LUCEY! I REALIZED MAI FEELINGS FOR U! I LAHV U! PLS BE MAI GURLFWEND!" Gray, this time, glomped her.

"OH NO YOU DI-IDN'T!" Rogue snapped his fingers in a zig-zag line in air, and chopped Gray's head off with Natsu's sword.

"OH HONEH! I KNEW U LUVED ME!" Lucy glomped him.

"I KNO RIGHT!" They went smoochy-smoochy and lived happy ever after. What about Wendy? She was forever alone. The end.

"OI! Kitsune-san! You know what? I'm going to quit this job as a camera man!" The camera man threw down his hat in emphasis.

"Oh _hellll_ no. You know how much I pay you for this? 123,456 imaginary dollars. Other jobs don't pay you for this, you know!" I snapped my fingers like Rogue's actor.

"But you always make me do creepy things!"

"Fine, you can go on a little break for the next chapter."

"Hurray!"

* * *

I wanted to see what it'll be like if there was a replacement camera man! So, I added that at the end :P. Don't worry, he'll come back in Chapter 9! And sorry if it was short, I didn't want to do the GMG again e-e. Well then, say goodbye to Camera Man for now! I should really get a name for him, but then that'd be a little boring.

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	8. Chapter 8

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 8 – Lucy + OC + New Guild

A/N. Wow, 8 chapters. How many cliches are there?! I don't know, but I should seriously write this down XD. Anyway, replacement camera man is here today! The usual camera man has a day off! *wink wink* Please tell me other cliches because I run out quickly e-e

* * *

**Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail! Heheheh...**

Normal POV

"Alright newbie! Do this later, do that later, and do these things later, kay?" I shoved a stack of papers to the substitute camera man, who frantically nodded. _Too nervous, tch,_ I glared at him.

"AND, ACTION!"

Lucy sighed dramatically. Lately, she's been hearing people talk bad about her. To top it off, her guild members ignore her; either that, or talk bad about her. She tuned into a conversation.

"Psst, when do we have to talk bad about Lucey?" whispered Bob 1.

"In about 5 seconds," Bob 2 whispered back. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

"Kay! Like, oh em gee, I heard that Lucy waz going smoocheh-smoocheh with da new camera man," Bob 1 pointed to Lucy and the replacement camera man.

"No way, dude! I heard she was totally goin smoochehh-smoochehh with Laxus! Lol!" Bob 2 laughed.

"Dude, and not just dat...she-"

"SHUT DA FRICK UP!" Lucy yelled. Bob 1 and Bob 2 looked at her.

"SHUT UP, LUIGI! UR JUST LUIGI!" Bob 1 yelled.

"YA! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA! GET A LYFE! Wait, you did coz ur living right now." Bob 1 face palmed at Bob 2's stupidity.

"FINE DEN! I SHALL MAKE MAI OWN GUILD!" Lucy yelled back, oblivious that everyone in the guild heard her.

"PFFT! U CAN'T MAKE ONE! UR LIKE, 2 YOUNG! HAVEN'T U NOTICED THAT LIKE ALL DA GUILD MASTERS R OLD? AND ADULT? PFFFFFFFFT!" Natsu burst out laughing.

_Lucey, testing. testing. Can u hear me? Testing! Does this microphone work? Reply if it works!_ Lucy heard a voice in her head. Lucy, thinking she was going crazy, walking outside, and decided to reply.

"Don't tell me that ur another fake fairy!" Lucy snapped.

_No no, don't worry. I'm just in the recording thingy room. Anyway, I haz admired u for a long time- in fact, I follow u everywhereeeee without u knowing.! I heard about ur guild n stuffy, and if u weaaaaaaaaaaaally want revenge, I suggest we make le guild together!_

"One question. Are u a girl or boy, dude or dudette? It's totally creepy dat u stalk me, so like, I'll just go to da recording room and kill u, kay?"

_HELL NO! I GOT MAI SCRIPT TA DO, LAYDEE! R U GONNA MAKE A GUILD WITH MEH OR NOT? _

"OH BOOHOO!" Lucy grabbed out a bazooka and shot at a random spot in her surroundings. "But I TOTALLY gotta be da MASTER, coz like I CREATED DA IDEA OF MAKING A GUILD!"

_Fine fine, stubborn brat. I shall reveal maiself!_

Moments later, a hot, sexy, handsome, does-fan-service guy appeared. He had messy black hair, like any other hot anime boys, and Natsu-looking-abs. Lucy started vomiting rainbows.

"Er no, that's my older brother. I'm over here," Lucy heard a voice from another direction, and saw a somewhat-muscled-but-no-abs, and sort-of-cute guy with black hair. Lucy looked away in disappointment. "HEY! WTF?! R WE GUNNA MAKE DIS GUILD OR WUT?!" He yelled.

"But asdfghjkl; ur brother~~~!" Lucy started vomiting rainbows again.

* * *

-LOL Let's do a 4 year Timeskip!-

"HURP DURP OMG ITS A NEW GUILD! IT'S CALLED IDK-A-NAME-FOR-A-GULD! ASDFL;KYANL;SDYF! OMFGASPDFUNE'ASNFPNEAR! UNABLE TO COMPREHEND WORDS A'S;'D;FNUA!" The judge spoke into the microphone. "AND, HURP DERP, THEY R IN 1ST PLACE! OH MAI GOD!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! IT ISH I, LUCEH! I HAVE COME BACK FOR MAI REVENGE!" Lucy came out with a black cape and a mask, laughing her butt off and pointing at Fairy Tail.

"KAY KAY! FIRST GAME, HIDDEN. KAY KAY? WE COOL, BRO? KAY!"

Since we don't have a name for the OC that talked to Lucy earlier – no, not Bob 1 and Bob 2 -, we'll use Tommy.

"TOMMY, UR TURN~!" Lucy yelled, laughing "evilly". Tommy, skipped to the mini-town in the arena, climbed up a building, and sat down on the roof. Gray came up to him.

"Yo bro, crazy weather we having, huh?" Gray laid down.

"Ikr."

"Who r u anyway?"

"Idk. Just some OC."

"Well get ur little OC hands off mai Luceh!"

"I dont put mai hands on her anyway, bro. U jealous, Graaaaaaaaaaaaay?"

"Damn stwaight."

"Kewl story bro, tell me et again."

"Kay. So like, I was totally hanging out in da guild when I-"

"Owh. Another kewl story bro. Listen, like, totally, the time gunna run out, so like, Imma just kill u."

"A wut?"

Then Tommy grabbed one of Erza's swords magically and stabbed him.

"BRO! Y?!"

"Dude, I just met u"

"Twue twue."

"Wait, y aren't u dying?!"

"Wasn't da camera man supposed to like...?"

I, the director, looked over to the replacement camera man, who was still filming. I sighed, and punched him. "OI OI OI! UR SUPPOSED TO SECRETLY KILL THEM WHEN FILMING!"

"O-Oh! Sorry! Err..." He stammered.

"CUT!" I yelled. "From now on, whenever there's a killing scene, turn invisible and secretly kill the victim while not being seen on camera. The other one did it, so you should too!"

"O-O-Okay!"

"ACTION!"

"Now then, with Graaay gone, I can totally beat them all up! Whooooooopeeee!" Tommy danced around. "IDK-A-TYPE-OF-DRAGONSLAYER ROAR!" He jumped up and roared down at the city, which collapsed and killed everyone in Hidden.

"Lol, kay kay. GMG is over. Idk-A-Name-For-A-Guild won. Lol. Hurp. Derp. Goodbai." The judge walked out, and so did all of the paid actors who were the audience.

"DID U SEE MEH, LUCEY? I WUZ LIKE TOTALLY BAD ASS! U SHOULD LIKE TOTALLY CONFEZZ TO MEH COZ I KNO U CAN'T RESIST MAI BEEYOOTEEFULL LOOKS!" Tommy bounced up and down in front of Lucy.

"IKR! I LUV U! SMOOCHEH SMOOCHEH!" Lucy put on the heart background and puckered up her lips like a fish for a kiss.

"Ew, gross, nvm. Bai, lol." He skipped away, leaving Lucy to be forever alone. Too bad.

The cast looked around.

"Is that it? The story's done?" Tommy's actor asked, looking around.

"Yup. I feel so bored though. The new camera man is just...ugh! The usual camera man is better!" I sighed.

"S-S-S-Sorry f-f-for being a b-bad camera m-man!" The new camera man bowed.

"You know what...we should kill the new camera man, and make a whole mess out of the scenes and props for the camera man! THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!" I jumped out of my director's seat and cheered, while the new camera man paled.

"K-K-K-K-K-K-K-Kill m-me?!"

"Yeah, we're like, some weird part vampire part humans, and we love to drink blood smoothies. Get ready for this, camera man!" The actors and I had evil, glinting eyes and leaped at the new camera man.

-A While Later-

"Guys! I'm...back?" The camera man opened the door, and saw a complete disaster run through the stage, a pile of tired and exhausted actors – with me on top of them, of course! – and a corpse in front of him. "What's this guy doing here? Another actor?"

"Nah," I sat on top of the pile, petting some actor's hair that felt really soft," he was the replacement camera man! He did such a bad job! He didn't even secretly kill the actors!" I shook my head in disappointment. "Now, please take that corpse to our cemetery! And clean this up while you're at it, kay?" I smiled 'innocently' at him.

"I should get a raise," He muttered, grabbed a mop, and starting to mop the floor.

* * *

LOL I totally laughed at my own jokes in the last part! XD My family probably thinks I'm crazy/weird for laughing at my own story, but hey, that's what makes me, me! The camera man is back! Bwahahahha! I tried to make the replacement camera man kind of you know, weak, and unconfident, and stuff. Until next time! o3o

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	9. Chapter 9

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 9 – Pregnant Lucy + OC Child + New Person!

A/N Gahhh so sorry if you read my other stories, you know why this is late _ I'm afraid this story might be coming to a close! There are so many of one type of cliche that I run out of ideas sometime, unless you can jog up some of my brain cells by telling me one, hm? But I'm thinking of writing the "behind the scenes" story for this story and what they do after this ;)

Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail- oooh! A purdy butterfly!

* * *

Normal POV O3O

"So much paperwork...why?!" The camera man groaned.

"Shut it~! Do 'em after we film this. Wait, I mean _you_ film this. Get to work!" I snapped. He rolled his eyes and got the camera or video recorder whatever thing going.

So, one very beeyooteefulll day in Fairy Tail, there was a blonde that bowling balls – literally, heheheh – for breasts, and a guy with pink hair, which we of course, dyed. So anywayz, they were like, happiley dating and stuff until something happened, ya know?

"So Lucey, I wuz like thinking how beyooooteeeefulll u are, u kno?" Natsu, the pink haired guy, said out of random. Lucy, the blonde with bowling ball breasts, nodded.

"Ikr. Seriously~! No one can resist bowling balls! See, look," She reached under her shirt, grabbed the bowling ball, and threw it towards an unimportant person. He died instantly. "Get meh another one, lol." She rolled her eyes.

"So lyke, I wuz thinking about how great ur body is, and we should totally like go smoocheh smoocheh and u know what happens there, so like, we should totally do it. Lol." Lucy agreed instantly. So after a night of smoocheh smoocheh and u know what happens when a man and a woman luvs each other very much? They get a baby – that's right! A pretty little vulture comes and delivers a baby in a cardboard box that says "CAUTION: FLAMMABLE MATERIAL INSIDE" in big, pink and blue letters right on the front. Damn straight dat's what they do!

"OH EM GEEE LUCEY WE GOT A BABY! DA VULTURE IS HERE! I'M SO HAPPEH!" Natsu jumped up in joy.

"Imma just pretend I'm lyke pregnant so,...lol."

"Ur so right, besidez this ish just a won-knight stand. Right?" Natsu opened the box, looking inside and saw a deformed human/goat/pig/horse/robot/dragon/unicorn/ant/Maka rov*cough*/bear/slug/frog crossbreed baby inside. The vulture came back.

"Lol mai bad, wrong person." He lifted up the cardboard box and went away. This time, a freaking pigeon came to their door with another cardboard box. This time, it said "CAUTION: BIOHAZARD AND FLAMMABLE MATERIAL." on it with big rainbow letters. They looked inside and saw Makarov's freaking baby.

"What in the freaking world of this weird story that does cliches and has someone dying at least one time in the name of Mavis-The-Holy-God is THIS THING?!" Natsu yelled, pointing at the baby who had six arms, a bald head with gray hair at the side, and had a unicorn horn – that rhymed O3O – on its head.

"Oops, wrong person. Bai bai" The pigeon left, and this time, a freaking large PELICAN comes with another cardboard box that was really beaten up and moldy, and says "CAUTION: BIOHAZARD, FLAMMABLE, AND VERY VERY VERY POISONOUS MATERIAL INSIDE" in big, BIG, rainbow colors and polka-dots. When they looked inside, it was finally their baby.

"OHMAIGOD WUT A BEAUTIFUL BABEH~!" Lucey threw the baby in the air so hard that it went through the ceiling, roof, and into outer space. Luckily, they came in twins, so they just used the other twin and totally forgot about the first one.

"Oh mai gosh, just get preggy already. Goshhh," Natsu rolled his eyes.

"Well SORREH~! This ISH called getting pregnant, dur! Havent u heard of the tale of Dummy the Elephant where a pelican comes and delivers him through a cardboard box. Durr!"

"Kay kay, bai. I'm going off with Leesahna. Meet u at the guild tomorrow. Kay bye." Natsu left her house and went to Lisanna's.

-Le Time Skip-

"LOL EVERYONE! I GOT PREGNANT!" Lucy burst through the guild doors without a care...what was the expression? Who cares, just another expression in the many weird expressions in the Internet.

"GASP~! ISH IT A BOY OR A GURL!? WHOSE THE DADDY?! WHOSE THE AUNT?! WHOSE GETTING MARRIED?! ASDFGHJKL;'" Everyone crowded her.

"Lol I think it's a boy, idk and idc, and the daddy is Natsu which is just like we plahnned, and the aunt is gonnah be Lisanna since Natsu's two-timing meh with her, and the only thing getting married is Makarov. Yesh, I meant ta say thing." Lucy answered.

"Oh, kay. Kewl story bro, tell it again."

"KAY KAY! So Natsu wuz like, we should get a baby, and I'm like, u r soooo right, and u know what happens when a man n a woman lahvs each other very very much? A vulture comes 2 them, not a duck, a VULTURE. But , a vulture, a pigeon, and a pelican came to our door, and delivered our babeh in a cardboard box that said " BIOHAZARD, FLAMMABLE, AND VERY VERY VERY POISONOUS MATERIAL INSIDE" on it big rainbow and polka dots on it. Aint dat soooo like romantic?" Lucy babbled. They all nodded.

"Sowwy but Natsu been two-timing u, Lucey. We r like so sowwy four ur loss." A random person patted her back.

"No no no, it's six-timing. There's six people, see, me, Levy, Lisanna, Erza, Mirajane, Juvia. Yea yea, six-timing."

"No no no NO, it's seven-timing. I saw him with Gray."

"GASP! REALLY?!" Lucy put her hands to her cheek.

"Nah, I just two-timing, pfft." Natsu burst through the doors like a BAWZ with shades on, a tuxedo, and a gun. Well, a fake gun that shoots out toxic and poisonous, hazardous little BB's, but other than that, it's a fake gun. "I just lyke had a one-night stand with Luceh and then a one-night stand with Lisanna. How'z DAT for a BAWZ like MEH?! Btw Luceh, ur off the team FYI. Kay kay, we kewl, bro? Kay." He shot the ceiling to look d4mn cool.

"NUUU! I LAHVED U! Y U 2-TIME ME?! Y?! I WILL LEAVE N TAKE KARE OF MAI BABEH!" Lucy sobbed, stabbed her hand 'cause she felt like it and 'cause she's a BOSS, and left the guild.

-1,234,567,898,765,432 years and 1 day later-

"I HAZ COME LIKE A BAWZ! MAI NAME ISHH THE GREAT BLONDIE!" Lucy burst through the doors, looking young as ever with a blonde boy at her side.

"LOL YEAHHHHH! MAI NAME ISH THE GREAT BLONDIE-BOY~!" The boy yelled, and ran around the guild with his arms out, playing his favorite game of Shoot The Airplane Down, to which Natsu really did shoot him down with a gun.

"NUUU! MAI BOY! I NEVER EVEN GOT TO INTRODUCE MAISELF PWOPERLY!" Lucy sobbed as he bled all over the floor, making it flood slightly. Luckily, the camera man provided the scene with drains, so we should be okay.

"You better thank me," He muttered.

"I SHALL KILLZ U 4 DOING DAT! IM GETTING REVENGE AS DA BOSS, LUCEY THE GREAT!" Lucy grabbed out a random sword and charged at Natsu.

"Bitch please, pfft. Dat was my son, ya kno. PFFFT I already knew bout that. Hope ya forgive meh,? I promise to still two-time on you with Lisanna?" Natsu opened his arms in a "welcoming" hug.

"ASDFGHJKL; I STILL LAHV U, NATSU~! I COULD NEVA BRING MAISELF TO HATE U. LETS GET ANOTHER BIOHAZARD AND FLAMMABLE BABEH! ASDFGHJKL;" Lucy danced around like a madman-err, mad_woman_, with the heart background.

"I LAHV U 2 ASDFGHJKL;"

And so, they lived the rest of their lives happily with Natsu two-timing her until the vulture came, barfed all over the babies, and killed them all. Eh, oh well, they'll survive.

"Have you done the paperwork, yet, camera man?" I asked impatiently.

"I'm not even supposed to be doing paperwork in the first place," He sighed, and gave me the stack. I immediately put them in the paper shredder.

"Thanks. By the way, can you clean up here? The blood smells a little different this time, so get a Febreeze thing too." I ordered. He muttered curse words under his breath and started cleaning up.

* * *

A/N LOL I just loved my own idea of the cardboard box and the vulture. Isn't it usually a stork or something bringing a baby in a like a towel or handkerchief or whatever? LAME! Vulture bringing a cardboard box with bright letters saying "BIOHAZARD AND FLAMMABLE MATERIAL INSIDE"? HELL YEA! XD

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	10. Chapter 10

-It's Lucy in A Nutshell!-

Chapter 10 – Lucy + Solo Mission Nutshell!

A/N I think this may be the last cliche! I'm actually surprised to find out that there's actually ten of them out there that are way overused O_O. However, if there are still more, please give me some ideas I haven't used! On the other hand, if this is indeed the last one, I'll post a mini "behind the scenes" chapter ;) Maybe I should create a spin-off for this story XD Btw I thank **InLoveWithFairyTail** for this idea :D

* * *

**Disclaimer – I don't own Fairy Tail or Frosty The Snowman-oooh something shiny on the ground**

Director PO-ooohhh camera man.

"Sigh, this is indeed the near end. Why I still end up doing this, I don't know." The camera man sighed dramatically.

"SHUT UP! You're going down with me to hell for the spin-off," I glared at him. "NOW GET TO WORK!" I towered over the scene, rage emitting off of me.

"Take: 1,004,345,213. Wait, what do we have to take?" The _assistant_ of the camera man shrugged and walked away.

"So I was like OMG I reelized I lahv Natsu! But then lyke he totully ignores meh. So idk what to do with mai lyfe anymore. Right, Frosty The Snowman?" Lucy talked while walking with Plue, aka Frosty The Snowman because there is no way in hell a dog could have a carrot for a nose unless it was a deformed baby.

"Puuuuuuuun! Puuuuuu-*COUGH COUGH HACK COUGHHH!*" Plue started to have a very violent coughing fit and started shaking, and eventually dying. Oh well, you can just build another snowman in winter.

"NUUU FWOSTY DA SNOWMAN!" Lucy sobbed. "PSYCHE! PSH, I can just talk to maiself n no one would think I'm kraaazyyy!" Lucy kicked Plue into the river, and continued on to her house, talking to herself.

-Time Skip To Le Next Day O3O-

"So I wuz like OHEMGEEEE and like OHHMAIIIGOODNESS and like OHMYGOOOOSHHHHHH. And then like Tommy went KABOOM and like then he married meh and I wuz like YAHOO and stuffy and stuffy. Ya get me? Lol kay because then I was like SMOOCHEH with Bobby 1 and then like SMOOOOOCHEH with Bobby 2 and like ya. By the way, how's the weather? Isn't it such a nice day outside?" BobTheFemale gossiped to BobTheFemale2.

"Ya ya. But _I_ wuz like SKREEEEE n OH MAI GOODNESS GURACIOUS GURLLL and like KYAAAA n then like OHMJEEEEE so like yea. The weather's beautiful, isn't it? I agree. But like, I heard dat Lucey was like, UWAHHHHH and like OHMYGOODNESSMAVIS-THE-HOLY-GOD-IM-SO-WEAAKAKKKKK! Ya get meh? Coz like I heard her SKREEEEEEEEEEAMMMMM n like yea." BobTheFemale2 gossiped back.

Lucy just heard this two gossips and TRIED to ignore it the best she could. However, fate is always giving us the finger-whoa whoa whoa, not THE middle finger, no, I mean the Fickle Finger of Fate dude. God, what you're thinking other things too? Tsk tsk.

So like anyway, fate was giving her the finger now and so she decided to just throw bricks at them.

"So like, Lucey, I wuz like thinking, that like, since we determined- oh wow what a big word...so lyke anyway, we determined that ur the weakest so u should just get off the team. But then lyke u'll still forgive meh for no reason right right? Good cuz like Lisanna wants ta like join n we dun even know who's stronger so like yea." Natsu nodded smartly and walked away.

"A WHAAAAAA DID U JUST SAY, BEE-OTCH?! OH NO U DI-IDN'T! U DONT KNOW $#%& ! U PROBABLY JUST WANT TO #*#2&$!( #&1! ! #$&#%& AND #$%* #! #$^! &$#^ THEN LIKE ! (#%* lolcolorlanguageftw! #*%!&#! #! # %% #! Whew, kay dudes I'm done." Lucy took a deep breath.

"Wow...new record! 0:0:0:0:0:1 seconds for saying that!" Natsu clicked a button on the timer. "Anywayz, in order ta PROVE ta us that ur like the BAWZ and is BOSS enough to join the team, do a lyke solo mission. I'll give u lyke $987,654,321 dollars converted to Jewels coz dollars rn't BOSS enough so u have to have gewels."

"FINE DEN!" Lucy ripped off a random piece of paper and slammed it on the counter. "I'd 'ppreciate it if ya let meh go to DIS mission SOLO!" She demanded to Mira.

"Okay! *smile smile* U can do whateva u want! *smile smile*" Mira stamped it or whatever she does, and flashed Lucy one of her infinite shiny smiles.

"GAHHH! THE LIGHT! IT'S BLINDING MEH!" Lucy covered her eyes and walked out of the guild, not even bothering to read the mission. However, when she got on the train to who knows where, she decided to read it.

_LE MISSION PAPER. VERY IMPORTANTE._

_Mission Thingy Ma Jiggy: Kill Like 40 Big, Dangerous,Vicious, Man-eating, Poisonous, Toxic, Biohazardous, Magical, Evil, Twisted, Humongous, Spiky, Sharp, Flying Monsters. They lyke attack my town n stuff n all the unicorns._

_Required: Just a mage who's a nobody. It's a pretty easy job._

_Reward: 0.000001 Jewels._

_Location: Somewhere over the rainbow._

"YUSH! EPIC JOB! FINALLY I SHALL PAY RENT!" Lucy yelled triumphantly. _I never received so much money before! I'm so happy! And it's only 40 monsters that are big, dangerous, vicious, man-eating, poisonous, toxic, biohazardous, magical, evil, twisted, humongous, spiky, sharp and flies! Should be pretty easy._

-Le TIme Skip Once Again-

"So lyke those thingies r the monsters. Kay kay good luck. Bai bai. We got ya like tomb ready. Kkbai." The mayor informed her and walked away. The monsters were flying around the mountains right next to the town somewhere over the rainbow.

"I CAN DO DIS! CHARRRGEEE! FOR DA LOVE OF FAIRY TAAAAAAAAAILLLLLLL~!" Lucy charged with a random sword.

* * *

-A Minute Later-

"Sorry Natsu, I have failed you. I am ashamed. Goodbye!" Lucy fainted from weariness. The monsters looked at Lucy.

"_Is it just me or does she like look like a big fat chicken wing dipped in caramel and hot sauce, sprinkled with cinnamon apple popcorn seasoning and pepper, marinated in fish sauce, and jalapenos on top for a topping?"_ One of the monsters asked his buddy, LolMonster.

LolMonster replied, "_It's just you. I think she looks like pomegranate, pistachio, and corn ice cream mixed with mint marshmallows, topped with hot sauce, random herbs, chili peppers, butter in liquid form, and then having apple slices dipped in fish sauce on the bottom. Now THAT sounds good."_ He replied to his buddy, OMGMONSTA.

"_NO NO NO. She is a dish of fried rice with persimmons, pistachios, curry with chopped vegetables of corn, carrots, and tomatoes that were dipped in chocolate sauce, with random spices added in and of course, undercooked catfish that was first marinated in apple juice! Duh!"_ Another monster, STRANGERDANGERRRR, commented.

And so, they began to fight until they agreed whoever reached her first would get to eat her.

"CHICKEN WING!"

"ASDFGHJKL; ICE KREAAAM!"

"ASDFUN;37AR RICEEEEEEE!"

They all charged at her.

DUN DUN DUN LOL ITS THE END YAY YAY Nah I won't prank you like that. This is just for the purpose of like distracting you, hopefully, while we set like a time skip and like get the actress ready, ya know? Oh wait, then what's the point of distraction? Pffft okay we're done LOL you may read on.

* * *

-Time Skip-ooooooh something shiny.-

At Fairy Tail, Natsu and the others have waited for Lucy from her solo mission for like five years. Eventually they gave up, you know? But Nastu-I mean, Natsu *cough cough*, being the stubborn little brat he is that makes me watch to punch the soul and life out of him, decides to sulk and NOT give up on her.

"Y?! LUCEYY!" He sobbed.

"Give et up. Ur just sad dat I got a gurl before u so HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA lets go smoocheh smoocheh, Juvia," Gray laughed and then walked away with Juvia and into an unknown room that had soundproof barriers around it inside the guild.

WA-BAMMMMM!

The doors slammed open. It was opened to be revealed by a pink haired girl. Yes, pink, because brown and black and red and white and silver and all those other cliche "cool" colors are too used, so pink is better.

"Wazzup? I'm like here for Fairy Tail if ya like hazn't noticed or anything but like yea." Lucey, YES IT'S LUCY OMIGODITSLUCY, said. You're wondering how she got such vibrant, luscious, and silky pink hair, huh? WRONG! UR THINKING ABOUT HOW SHE'S ALIVE AREN'T YOU?! *RAAAAAAAAAGE*

So anyway she was alive because then the master of all monster taming or somewhat kind of guy appeared, tamed all those vicious and obviously dangerous monsters, gave her some awesome powers and changed her appearance. But you see, Lucy wanted revenge for no particular reason, so she went back to Fairy Tail. End of the Nutshell in the Nutshell.

"Yea, so wut's ur name, gurly?" Mira yawned.

"None of ur beeswax, wo-MAN. But if ur so DESPERATELY trying to FLIRT with MEH, then my name ish Billy Bobio The Fail the III aka Josephina The Other Failure the VI ALSO KNOWN AS Princess Billy Jack the Ultimate Failure the VIII, WHO'S ALSO KNOWN AS Krystal." Lucy answered.

"I see. So why'd u like join Fairy Tail? Coz U WANT A PIECE OF THIS EPIC FRIEND POWA?! BWAHAHAHAH FRIEND POWER RAYYY!" Mira shot a sparkly rainbow ray full of hearts and stars at the ceiling. "Ya see, ya see? So powerrfulll right?"

"I'm here for REVENGE BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA-ACKKK *COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK HACK COUGH HACK COUGHHHH!*" Lucy tried to laugh evilly but it ultimately failed.

"Kewl story bro. Kay I'm busy now so like bai." Mira went away to throw some beer mugs at unimportant people.

"PIIIIIIINKYYYY ooo I wonder if we're like siblings u kno coz like we both haz pink hair but mine is OBVIOUSLY the prettier one so like yea," Lucy pointed an accusing finger at Natsu, who was getting fat somehow off of fire.

"Wut? Im BUSY HERE WOMAN. A MAN'S BEST FRIEND IS NOT A STUPID CAT, BUT FOOD!" Natsu shoved his face with the fire he's eating.

"ITS MEH, LUCEYYYY N I CAME FOR REEEVENGEEE!" She pulled out a large sword with tons of sparkly diamonds and other pretty stuff on it. "I CHALLENGE CHU TO A DUELL!"

"ORLY?! BRING IT ON, BRO!" He pulled out an equally similar sword.

"CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!" They both yelled. As the sword was about to hit each other, a beeping noise interrupted them. Lucy blinked. She straightened up, and pulled out an alarm clock from her sleeve somehow.

"Oh. It's dinner time. Kay byez." She skipped away out of the guild, leaving everyone dumbfounded. Wow, what a weird word – dumbfounded?

So then they all lived happily ever after until a giant monster killed Lucy and then they all got depressed until an equally weird new person came, and the whole thing happened over and over.

"And scene~!" I was in a cheery mood right now. "The next chapter will either be another cliche if suggested, or it will be an extra chapter of what we _really_ do, right cam~er~a man?" I nudged him with my elbow.

"H-Hai..."He blushed furiously. I slowly leaned in and -NO, WE NEVER DID THAT. IT'S CALLED ACTING. Hehe, get it? No? Oh well. "Yeah, Kitsune-san made me act. But please give us another suggestion, unless you want the behind-the-scenes chapter! Just let Kitsune-san know by reviewing or PMing! Well, until next time!" He sighed and dragged the corpses out of the building to the cemetery.

* * *

BWAHAHHAHA I just love the last part...I actually imagine him like kind of young, with messy brown hair and then a white baseball-ish cap on his head, yeah you get the picture XD I already have the behind-the-scenes chapter planned out! If you can give me another idea, that's great too! Until next time! *bows*

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


	11. Chapter 11

-It's Lucy in a Nutshell!-

Chapter 11 – Farewell Party...?

A/N *sob sob* As much as I hate to admit it,...this is the last chapter! *sobs sobs* It's not going to be another nutshell, unfortunately, since I don't have any other cliche to write about. HOWEVER this is like a "behind the scenes" sort of thing – with the actors and the oh-so-pretty Director XD. It's a farewell party with all the actors and me, the director, of course. Don't forget the camera man! I think I'll write the behind the scenes stuff though *winks* There'll also be an ASSISTANT camera man ;3 Look forward to him!

* * *

Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail-OHMAIGOD ITS THE CAMERA MAN

Director (*cough cough* Me) POV

We all bowed respectively. "This chapter is the very last chapter of this nutshell. So we're throwing a party – which the camera man will clean up afterwards of course," I announced. The camera man sighed.

"I'm gonna miss working here...then again maybe not," He sweat dropped.

"And now to introduce our very own star, Lucy Heartfilia's actor named...what's her name? Psst what's her name?" I whispered to the camera man. He shrugged. "Well, she doesn't have a name so just call her Lucy. GIVE ET UP FOR LUCEYYYYYY!"

Lucy came out of the curtains behind us, dressed in a very "fabulous" and VERY VERY VERY VERY shiny dress with tons of shiny and shiny and shiny and shiny- *cough* - and even more shiny diamonds on it. "BWAHAHAHAH SCREW THE WORLD!" She gave the middle finger and took off her dress, revealing a banana costume. "I'M A BANANA LOL IT'S A BANANA I'MMA BANANA!" Suddenly she got shot in the head. She fell down, bleeding all over her banana costume.

"...What do we do now?" We all stared at her.

"I say we just go out and get Chinese food." Gray's actor suggested.

"Nah. I say we go get Indian food. And top it off with pistachio ice cream with, of course, mustard and fish sauce." The monster's actor, which was a hot, smexy, eye-whatever-you-call-it guy in a monster outfit, said.

"But then what do we do about her? And the party?" Lisanna poked at Lucy's body with a stick.

"Shouldn't we just poke her? If we do that, all the blood gets out and then like yeah. My logic makes perfect sense." Mira joined Lisanna in poking Lucy's body.

"But we already ordered the food. In fact, the delivery guy should come here in about a second," I looked at the watch on my wrist. Then, the doorbell rang. Yes, there's a doorbell even though it's like a stage/movie building WHATEVER U CALL IT!

"Chinese delivery." The Chinese man held up a bag full of Chinese food.

"COME ON IN~!" I pulled him and threw him over to where everybody else was. He landed in the middle of everyone with an "oomph!".

"Ooh it's Chinese delivery! So we're having a Chinese party or something?" Natsu eyed the food.

"Of course not. It's for Lucy, dur. We're having spicy ice cream cake. DUH!" I rolled my eyes and sat on Lucy's dead body. "CAMERA MAN!" No response. "...Camera man?" Still no response. I looked over to his assistant. "WHERE'S THE CAMERA MAN?" I stared intensely at him. He trembled and shrugged.

"I-I t-think the bathroom..." He replied meekly.

"Tch. Get out the cake!" I ordered. My servants- *cough* I mean, my employees immediately started to lift the HUMONGOUS and obviously gigantic layered and layered cake. On top, was a tiny and small baby-like candle. "Who wants to blow out the candle?" My eyes sparkled.

"OOOO ME ME ME MEMEM MEME MEMEMEMEM ME*coughs and chokes* Ahem, ME ME ME ME EM EM EME MEM EM-HAACKKKK *COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH*" Gray's actor then choked off his spit from saying 'me' too much and eventually died. Spit is mankind's worst enemy. Tsk tsk.

"ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEMEM EM LOL KAY I'M GOING UP," Lisanna started to climb the humongous cake. Once she reached the top, she was already covered in cake from trying to climb it. She was about to blow out the candle when-

BAM! "BWAHAHAHHA IT IS ME! I BARELY GET ANY SCREEN TIME BITCHES!" A nude and naked Makarov (except for a birthday hat on for some reason) sprung out of the top of the cake, knocking over the candle.

"MY EYESS! THE CAKE IS TAINTED! MY EYES ARE BURNING! THEY'RE MELTING! HELLLPPP MEEEE!" Lisanna cried out as her eyeballs melted into liquid. She fell back and landed on the floor with a thud. I blinked.

"I got some epic powers here cause I'm the director, so let me handle this," I nodded and pushed up imaginary glasses smartly. I put my hands over Lisanna's eyes and started muttering random words. "Heal Lisanna's eyes, Heal Lisanna's eyes, Heel...heel banana peel pie banana pie orange poop lolabutterfly omaigodrandomwords bird, Natsu, Pinky, lolrandompunwaitthatwasntevenapunmaibad, pie, TOASTTT ewitsMakarovnakedmyeyesrburningtoo, oooabutterfly plum, orange, pie, banana, butterfly, SKREEEEESPIDER, DIESPIDER okaynowtoheallisannaeyes.." I finished the chant, Lisanna's eyes coming back to life.

"I ISH BACK BITCHESSS! WHEN LIFE GIVES U ORANGES U THROW THEM BACK AND SAY 'SCREW THIS I EATING A BANANA BEE-OTCH!' BWAHAH" Lisanna yelled and gave Life the middle finger. Life sulked in the corner.

"BATHE IN MY NAKED GLORY!" Makarov started to shine very brightly.

"DON'T LOOK AT HIM!" I screamed and shielded my eyes.

"Whistle whistle~! What's going on-OMAIGOD MY EYES OH GOD MAKAROV GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT CAKE!" The camera man started to happily walk from the bathroom when he noticed Makarov's nude form.

"CAMERA MAN~! GET THE REMOTE CONTROL! NOWWW!" I yelled.

"YES SIR-ERR MA'AM!" He yelled back and picked up one of the many 100 remote controls I owned.

"TAKE DIS MAKAROV!" I yelled and pressed the big red button. Nothing happened.

BOOM! The cake exploded and splattered all of its cake-ness onto us. "Whew. Camera man, do your stealthness or whatever you do to secretly kill people and do that to Makarov." I ordered. I heard him sigh and walk over to Makarov.

"Sorry man. But orders are orders," The camera man shrugged and stabbed him. He then dragged him outside so that the trash pick-up guy can put him in the dumpster because Makarov was too disgusting naked that he can't be put in the cemetery.

"So...about the Chinese food..."The camera man started when suddenly he saw Natsu and the other actors eating it. "WHA?! What about my share?!" He exclaimed

I shrugged and pointed to the bits and pieces of cake on the floor. "You can have that," I shrugged, chewing some chow mein or however you spell it. Suddenly Lucy came back to life.

"I'M BACK! IN THIS FREAKING AWESOME BANANA SUIT!" Lucy yelled. I sweat dropped.

"Somebody order a hazardous baby?" A vulture came out of nowhere carrying a large science-looking tank. Inside was a mutated frog/horse/human/ant/griffin/bird/cat/spider/butte rfly/dragon/zebra baby underwater.

"OH! I did!" The Chinese delivery guy said. You didn't think I forgot about him, did you? HOHOHOHOHO.

"Kay that'll be $123,456,789. Just sign here, and here and here," The vulture handed him a clipboard and a pen. The Chinese delivery man nodded and signed. The vulture dropped the tank and left.

"SO THAT'S WHERE THEY COME FROM!" I exclaimed. They all looked at me oddly. "What?" I looked back at them.

"You seriously didn't know that was true? Gosh you need to study more. You're the director for goodness sake," Natsu sighed and shook his head at me.

"KAY LETS DANCE LOL Dis is like a party right we need to dance," Lisanna pointed out and started dancing. Soon, everyone was dancing – weirdly. There was a Mexican band playing and everyone was doing the Waltz or breakdancing. Some people were even doing the tango. I didn't dance of course. The camera man was instead doing my nails.

"Purple now," I ordered him as he switched nail polish. "While you're at it, bring me that humongous remote control over there." I pointed to the humongous remote control that was about as big as the cake.

"Uh how am I supposed to bring that?" He asked, sweat dropping.

"Good point. Come with me." I hopped off my Director's chair and dragged him , literally, over to the remote control. "So like we just get this bazooka," I whipped a bazooka out from my pocket," and fire." I fired it at the big shiny red button in the middle.

"ARE YOU SETTING OFF A WORLD BOMB OR SOMETHING WOMAN?!" He yelled at me. I shrugged.

"It's fireworks."

"...Say what now?" He sweat dropped. Then there was fireworks exploding over everyone dancing. Some got hit by the fireworks, dying. Other people still danced anyway.

"PRETTY FIREWORKS~! Not as purdy as flowers though," Minerva clapped and jumped up and down in chibi form. Suddenly she got blasted by one.

"Oops. My bad. Eh, she'll live," I shrugged. "Kay kay, hand me that remote control with the blue button right there," I ordered him. He sighed and brought it over to me.

"Kay kay, this is a bomb. Ya know what a bomb ish right? So like anyway, it explodes everyone over there but it lets out some pretty light! You like HAVE GOT TO SEE DIS!" I explained to him. He nodded.

"...That means we won't have any more actors though."

"They'll live. They can't die from just being killed, psh." I smirked at my logic and pressed the blue button. BOOM! Everybody dancing, including the Mexican band and the Chinese delivery guy, exploded. Fortunately for us, we got to see pretty fireworks.

"See?! ISN'T IT SO PRETTTYYY!?"

"...I'm going to clean this up aren't I?"

"Damn straight. Go get to work." I rolled my eyes. I sat in my director's chair and sighed. "Well, I'm gonna need to hire more actors. ASSISTANT CAMERA MAN! Get some people ready for next time," I ordered. The assistant camera man nodded and ran out the door. "Well! At least there's going to be more fun next time," I clapped and walked away.

* * *

UWAHHH It's not necessarily a party at all, but hey, this isn't exactly a normal story XD I cursed Life for giving us the gift of Imagination...oh god Makarov nude *shivers* I regret writing that.. If you want a spin-off story for "behind-the-scenes" just tell me! That's why I left the "next time" there just in case *winks* XD Idk if I'll manage tho :p

~Kitsune-Dark-Knight


End file.
